How do I stop thinking the worst of my fiancé? It’s driving me insane.
My fiancé and i have been together for 2 years and three this august. We will be married next July!
He has been through everything with me in regards to my BPD. One of the most caring and patient man I’ve ever had in my life.
I use to get sooo insecure over his past in regards to liking girls pictures, falling for thirst traps etc this past of his was from ages 19-20ish years old. He is 28 now and I’m 27. We have constant conversations about early exposure to p*rn and the effects of hyper-sexuality, lustful eyes etc
He has never ever shown any signs of that the entirety of our relationship. He is ashamed to even have had a past like that.
We have an amazing sex life, he makes me feel wanted, we have great love etc
but whenever I’m around other girls I always assume he’s looking at them lustfully, even though he’s not. We have very open communication that if he were to stare at any woman that way he’d tell me because he respects me and the relationship.
I trust him, I really do. And I know, he is not a lustful human or disloyal. But my brain sometimes can’t stop thinking the worst. It’s like the thought comes into my head and anything he does is immediately evidence to him viewing women lustfully. It’s honestly so anxiety inducing for the both of us because when I tell him and ask him for reassurance he then feels he has to police himself to ensure that innocent / normal interactions with women aren’t then received by me in a way that’s not actual. He does reassure me, but I have to literally ask him his reasoning to looking at women each time. To explain to me the thought process behind it. And he does, and each time it’s not what I believe it is.
Again, he’s not lustful, and he’s not those type of men. But my brain constantly has to break down that he’s not because of his past and it’s so so draining. He doesn’t watch porn, his phone doesn’t have anything lust related. He’s normal you know? Healthy! And it does hurt him when I assume that because he takes pride in who he is compared to his past. And yet, my sweet man still reassures me every single time. How do I manage this? :/
In the past I’d go absolutely crazy and accuse of him cheating and that he’s disgusting etc etc and now I’m able to regulate more and be able to simply ask him, so I know I have improved. But still, I’m tired of always feeling this away anytime we are with friends!! </3 any tips?