Why do I hate holidays??
Birthdays and mother's day especially are SO HARD for me, and the next day I feel almost exhilaration that they are over. The other holidays too. I do okay with my kids' birthdays, but I feel such heavy expectations on the rest of them. Performance anxiety maybe. I dread them and I'm usually a sourpuss all day especially if it's my day. I want to be left alone but also feel like no one does enough for me. For mother's day I went outside and worked in the garden and was grumpy with everyone, and my oldest daughter didn't even say hi until evening and that hurt my feelings. I don't even want anything, but at the same time it's like... At least help me work and clean the house up a bit?? I hate to say that's what I want because they should know me enough to know, but I say it anyway because I feel like it's immature to assume people should have to read my mind. But even when I say it, they won't do it, or they grumble the whole time. "Here's your card I drew in pencil on a scrap of paper and spent 45 seconds on, when's dinner?" I know this is a pretty privileged complaint but it makes me hate every other holiday too. Am I alone in this?? Does anyone struggle with this and has found a way to cope or reframe it to be a healthier situation?? My husband did get me a couple of decor items for my plant stand a few days ago and we went to lunch abruptly because we were hungry and already in town and he said counts for mother's day, so I appreciate that, but the "day of" I want to just drive away for the day and come back at dusk when it's over. I try to just pretend it isn't happening but I'm a grumpy guss anyway and hate it so much.