I'm really... I don't know how to feel. Maybe she really has changed.
Estranged from mother for going on 3 years now, a lot has happened since then. My sister and I were messaging today about her graduating from high school, when she discovers my EM is following her on Instagram. So we look at the account together and...
There's my baby sister, graduating from kindergarten. She's nonverbal because she has autism, but she looks so happy and healthy.
My sister also decided to text my EM and invite her to her graduation, (which we did already have a long conversation about if I had to see her there), and as it turns out my brother and his fiance were telling the truth. My mother has completely stopped drinking, she's "boring" now in her own words.
I'm really... happy, for her? I guess? But I'm also just. Still hurting, kind of, thinking about it. Yeah, maybe me leaving really *did* allow for a rare moment of reflection and for her to have a change of heart.
At the same time, though, I still feel that skepticism I felt before, and I can't help but just ask where this woman was when I needed her most.
In some ways, she still hasn't changed. She refuses to detach herself from her husband, all her messages involve "we" because of that. Maybe her husband has changed as well, but I'm still under the mentality that I don't care for him. I never wanted him to be my third parent in the first place.
I don't know, I'm just talking into the void at this point. Am I allowed to have this hope that things really have gotten better with my EM?