My friend (21F) didn’t just grow up in her family,she was quietly turned into a second mother.
While her mum works constantly, she’s the one holding everything together for her younger siblings (ages 6–16). Homework, appointments, discipline, emotional support, she’s been carrying responsibilities that were never really hers to begin with. For years, she’s stepped up without complaint, sacrificing her own time, energy, and parts of her own life to keep things running.
Meanwhile, her older brother (24M) moved out and lives his own life. He drops in a few times a year, plays the fun older brother, and disappears again, completely detached from the reality of what’s happening at home.
Last week, things boiled over. The younger siblings were being disrespectful and out of control, so my friend stepped in. She didn’t shout or hit them,she just set boundaries and gave reasonable consequences (no TV, no phones for a few days). The kind of discipline any parent would give.
But instead of backing her, the brother took issue with it and ran to their mum. And just like that, everything flipped.
Now the mum is saying my friend has no right to discipline them,because they’re “not her children.”
So after years of stepping into a role she never asked for, after carrying the weight of raising her siblings, she’s suddenly being told she has no authority at all.
She’s expected to sacrifice like a parent, but stay silent like a child.
Now she’s trapped. If she steps back, the whole system she’s been holding up might collapse and her mum will struggle. But if she continues, she’s disrespected, undermined, and made to feel like she’s overstepping.
So am I the asshole for telling her to step away and let chaos reign and live her own life.