Chronic nausea is ruining my life
TW: Suicidal thoughts, depression
Don't know where else to go with this but I just need to get some stuff off my chest, and I feel like everyone I know is tired of hearing me complain (including my doctors).
For almost exactly a year now, I've lived with chronic nausea. In the beginning it was so bad that I barely ate for two months, and lost 8 kg in that time (from 63 kg down to 55). I'm currently getting a degree but I can barely show up to classes and exams, and before this I was a semi professional musician but haven't played a show since it started. I have lost touch with multiple friends, my family relationships have suffered, and my relationship with my partner feels like it's always hanging by a thread. Sometimes I have a week or two where it feels like I'm starting to learn to manage, just for it to get worse again. During bad weeks I won't leave the house for days at a time, and everything's starting to feel really pointless. I don't do anything I enjoy anymore and every day I wake up I'm just counting down the hours until I can go to sleep again, and then I go to sleep anxious because I know I'm gonna wake up and go through another day of misery.
I've struggled with my mental health my entire life including suicidal thoughts (including getting close a few times), and I have multiple diagnoses including a personality disorder, GAD and ADHD. The chronic nausea has made all of this come flooding back like a tsunami, just as I was starting to have positive developments in therapy. Constantly feeling sick and like my life is over, makes it really hard for me to believe that there's any point in living like this. Honestly I'm not sure I would still be here if I wasn't too scared to do something about it in case I fail.
I've had 6 endoscopies in 6 months, more blood tests than I can remember, and all other tests my doctor has been able to come up with. In the end they diagnosed me with celiac (even though they said they "weren't sure but its worth trying", and now after months of strict dieting I feel no different at all.
Are there anyone in here experiencing similar chronic nausea? To be clear, I haven't thrown up a single time in the past year, I just always feel about two seconds away from it. My throat tightens, my fingers tingle, I start sweating like im in a sauna and sometimes my stomach hurts. I don't know what to do anymore but I'm hoping someone in here has any advice.
Thanks for letting me vent here, I feel like I can't talk to anyone in my life about this anymore without making them sick of me.