I give up.
I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I definetly believe in manifesting, shifting, the law of assumption and all that stuff. I guess I just want to be able to tell this to someone without being treated like I was wrapped into some sort of cult.
I’ve been in the manifesting community since 2019 and I know the only reason I wasn’t able to manifesti “big“ things is because of my own limiting beliefs. As of today, I’m aware that no desire is big or small, and that things can only exist within my awereness. I consider my self–concept to be perfect. I tried dabbling in non–dualism but I’m too stupid to understand it. For the past two months I’ve been robotically affirming that ”I can wake up in the void, entering the void is easy,” and so on and so on. Before that, I was affirming for +6h a day “I’m in my desired reality regardless of what i feel, hear or see,) (I was in a bad situation and kind of used affirming as an escape so no, it’s not an exaggeration).
I’m so deep in my own depression that I don’t even want my desires, but I’m still quite stubborn with them for some reason. I’m tired of persisting. I’m tired of living. I’m uncomfortable at all times, in my own life, in my own family and in my own body. I know I could manifest the things I want if I could persist a little longer, but I can’t. The thought alone makes me wanna scream of frustration.