What is wrong with me.
I cant afford a psychologist and I cant talk to anyone about it because it is way to embarassing. I basically had no friends in highschool, a group of people I used to see as my best friends basically turned out not giving a fuck about me and ended up exclluding me socially. I still remember the way everyone in this highschool used to look at me.. I was totally alone.
Now, this is my first year as a college student, I managed to make friends, a lot of friends (around 15+), the reason from what I know is im sorta kinda a lil bit funny but mainly, this is prolly due to beauty privilege, as I dress well, and have been ranked ,number 2 most handsome man in my class by a girl, (yea I needed to say it because I was so proud it made me feel like I was normal kinda)).
I dont even know how I ended making friends with so much people, Im always so stressed about what Im saying (i used to ignore people cause I really coudlnt think of an answer nor say it out loud) but now I have friends that even want to hang out with me. And this is what i always wanted. But it is now once of the biggest source of stress i could imagine. Im always feeling either like im not enough, or too much, sometimes they dont answer my text, and I end up thinking about it for hours, days and it troubles my sleep. I want revenge so I try not to answer their texts but I want to reply so much I want to see them i want to talk to them but I still feel like they actually dont give a fuck about me just like in highschool. I just end up feeling left alone and I feel like I care too much or Im way too attached to people that dont even really consider me their friend. How to fucking stop this I cant bear it anymore.