I think I became Tom in my own version of 500 Days of Summer. Any advice?
Problem/Goal:
How do I move on from someone who was never officially mine?
Context:
I’m 24F and I met a 26M on a dating app around 10 months ago. We casually dated, went on dates, hung out, and hooked up. We were never officially together, but over time I developed feelings for him.
He became a huge part of my life, especially during my board exam journey. He cheered for me, encouraged me, and comforted me when I didn’t pass. Because of that, I got emotionally attached.
We had conversations about relationships before, and he told me that he wasn’t interested in having a girlfriend because he didn’t have the time and wasn’t really into relationships. Since I liked him, I accepted that and agreed to keep things casual. I was also very vocal about my feelings, so he knew where I stood.
Recently, I greeted him on his birthday and asked if we could meet up since it had been a while. That’s when he told me that he’s already seeing someone.
I know he didn’t do anything wrong. He never promised me a relationship. But it still hurts. I think what hurts the most is realizing that the reasons he gave before—being busy, not wanting a relationship, not having time—weren’t necessarily permanent reasons. Maybe they just applied to us.
I genuinely thought that if I waited long enough, maybe one day he’d choose me.
Now I feel like I’m grieving a relationship that never actually happened.
Previous Attempts:
- I’ve been focusing on work and keeping myself busy.
- I’ve been avoiding messaging him and trying not to check up on him.
Despite all that, I’m still struggling to accept it and move forward.
Any advice from people who have gone through something similar? How did you finally let go of the hope and move on?