I (21M) asked my girlfriend (21F) to stop hanging with a guy I cant trust, but she does anyway, even after conversations. What do I do now?
For some context:
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for the past 2 years now and we share the same apartment but just different rooms. Moving in was a big deal as I wanted to make it clear that we do not have such serious conversations down the line (disagreements will be inevitable, its more of a matter of how we go across them).
I've also haven't had the best history with conflict resolution with her. I do not want to blame her habits from how she was raised but seeing how she argues with her mom and sister, I feel like I fall under the same boat. In our early months she would name call me (e.g. b-word) and say some horrendous things that I still remember to this day. I could never get myself to say those things back as it really is dehumanizing but in the more recent months its gotten better.
PRESENT DAY: We had a dance rehearsal for a big showcase and my girlfriend was stressed out. I tried to comfort her but she really seemed out of place. This other guy, call him "A", comforts her outside the building and they really got a lot closer within two weeks. I know "A" from class but I do not know much of his personal life. They end up staying late at night at school until she comes back at my apartment around 5am. I was a little confused but then a few days after she told me she was going out for dinner. She looked very dressed up, and they ended up going one-on-one to a place I took her one time for a date. They ended up getting alcohol and ended up sleeping in the same room and she states she was "on the bed and he was on the floor", and nothing more than just conversing.
I found all that out the next morning when she called me, not during or before. It took me a few hours to just process everything and confront her about it as we have had set a boundary for a guest sleeping over at our apartment for her to sleep in my room. She told me off, saying that nothing happened so its fine so I asked if I brought a new girl how would she feel. She said she wouldn't care cause she trusts me (I call BS). In the end, she ends up staying more late nights at school with him studying until one day during a dance performance I see him being touchy with my GF and I snap and break things off from there.
Her friends think that sleepover thing is normal, my friends (girl and guy perspectives) say otherwise. We've had conversations since because I want things to work as we're planning to re-lease soon and for a long time, my feelings of disliking him being touchy and the whole sleepover felt dismissed. We end up coming back, with agreements about setting boundaries and limiting communication with this person out of respect for this relationship. She's even talked with other friends how he's touchy and its uncomfortable but TODAY she was planning to get coffee with him and she asked me. I said no and we got into a big argument.
She said, "its just coffee" and during the phone, she scoffed me off and treated me so unseriously. I kept telling her, its the person and were not gonna keep having the same conversations as I felt a boundary we set was being broken again. I'm at a loss for words and I have a few finals coming up, whats my next move. If its breaking up, how can I cope with moving forward.