I think my mother hates me.
Hi Reddit, first time poster here .
I'm sorry if this post isn't the most coherent. But anyway here we go.
Ever since I was young my mother has always told me I was ugly.
Examples, she's always said my nose is too big,I'm too dark. She has always said she has no idea where and from who I got my body from,ect...
Throughout my life she's blamed me for things I haven't done, compared me to herself and other people. Not to mention when living with her I've been like a personal maid.
She believes in a very "traditional" or rather old way of house keeping. As in, change the curtains every season, polish the brass (yes she has brass decor), polish the wooden floors, wooden furniture, and all that but, but I'm the one who had to do it.
When she cleans she basically moves everything around, and then everyone has to help out to put it back, because she cannot finish the work she's set herself up for.
My life has been a mix of many incidents, but the one that really confirmed it was an incident with my younger brother.
When he was born he was the light of their world, and they treated him as such. He got everything he asked for, but if I asked for something I'd get told about greed, the cost of things, and so forth. So I learned to stop asking.
I was responsible for taking care of him, if he didn't listen it was my fault. And as expected, a spoiled child who did whatever he wanted turned into a spoiled adult .
My brother moved out when he went to university and I moved out when I was twenty-three, much to the push back of my parents, though God knows why.
Throughout my adult life I was constantly thinking of our parents, and he was basically coming to me whenever he needed money, would invite me out with his friends, only to have me paying. At that time I didn't mind because he was my little brother, and we all knew him not to be the most responsible. On hindsight we clearly didn't realise how much of a downspiral he was on. Or at least I, because my parents wouldn't admit to anything wrong about him. They complained jokingly about him not visiting, or taking things and not returning them. They didn't even complain when he borrowed my mom's car and ultimately used it to deposit his own car. My mother instead blamed my dad. That's another thing. My parents relationship is toxic, they hate each other, but are loyal to each other at the same time.
Then when I was in my thirties I moved back home because I had just given birth and I needed to restart my life. Before getting pregnant I was a real estate broker but the property recession dried up opportunities, also I needed a lifestyle and career change. Anyway, going back home was a temporary solution. But I realised that things were tight, since my dad had just gone on retirement. It made financial sense to move in so that my income could balance the household. But of course they soon resorted back to their old ways, leading to my young daughter and I moving out. Before long they came to ask us to move back, siting my daughter as an excuse. I relented because my daughter was indeed attached to her grandpa, who was really good with her. I know even then that this was bad, but I didn't want to make a selfish decision. But for years things were relatively fine, I was mostly at work, and they were ok with me taking much of the financial burden. Until suddenly things got bad at work and I resigned. Then they were back at their old ways. It's their pattern, when I have money, they are In their best behaviour (which is far from good), but when I'm finally shaky, they are the best of themselves (ruthless).
My brother moved back in before COVID, it's a long mind numbing story in itself. But surprise! he was worse than before. He would scream shout, hurl insults at everyone, and since my parents hadn't disciplined him as a child, they sure as hell couldn't do so now.
So we kinda had to endure it . Around 2024-2025 something happened that truly solidified that my mother hates me.
My brother got angry that I took away and item of mine which he was using despite my countless requests that it must be reserved for my daughter. There was a reason for this which was clearly communicated and he ignored. Nevertheless I came back home and found he was using it. I took it away and he fumed as usual. I proceeded to ignore him and spoke to my dad about the situation. My dad who is scared of him, and tries to be his friend at the same time, was trying to play it safe, but mostly implying that my action was unnecessary. But honestly why can't a grown man buy his own charger? Basically he was insisting on using my daughter's charger because it was faster, and he needed to always have a full charge to watch YouTube. Meanwhile my daughter does homeschooling and can't get her tablet charged.
Anyway there a fit, screaming like a mad man. All the while I refused to engage with him, I was instead speaking to my dad so he got annoyed and started pushing me around. I continued ignoring him so he headbutted me, I was left with a large bump on my forehead.
I couldn't take it anymore and took it to the police and then to court.
But something I didn't expect happened, my mother and my father both lied in court under oath.
My father's statement was dismissed, the magistrate said he was a bad witness. He was very hostile to me in court, even the magistrate said she couldn't understand why my family was so hostile to me. If only I knew, I'd been asking myself that question all my life.
But anyway, my mother was believed, she basically said my brother and I hadn't gotten along since childhood, and that I was difficult to live with and made everyone uncomfortable.
The kicker is she wasn't even there on that day. My dad was there, he watched the whole thing . My mom on the other hand wasn't home. Ironically she was at church (or lessons, whatever she calls them). My brother obviously coached them, he studied law. Typical of him,he knew that lying under oath is a crime, but he didn't care. He must get his way.
We all used the same car to get there and back, as usual the cost was on me. Anyway the drive home was filled everyone's laughter, they were in good spirits. He declared "You see, I told you this would be kicked out of court. I know these things". My parents were looking at him with such admiration, their son had won against his evil sister. The irony in all of this seemed to escape them.
Ever since then I've kept my distance . We live in a small holding, they live in the main house, and I live in the cottage with my daughter. Up to that stage I still went to the main house to cook, clean and do laundry. Which is why the " I'm difficult to live with is so funny" . I basically entered the house to do my maid duties. Not forgetting that I still contributed financially, even paying for labour and maintenance of property. But my suggestions were always ignored in decision making. But my brother's self serving and clearly dumb instructions were followed. There's just too many to state.
Ever since the court case however I've just not gone to the house at all. Not to cook, clean, or do laundry. For the first time in my life I even started asking myself why I did so much for these people. I felt tired, for months I operated like a zombie. During the week I did what I had to do (I operated a business from the property). On weekends I couldn't get out of bed.
I was angry with myself for trying so hard to make a bad situation work. I even remembered how some of my friends would wonder about my lifestyle, and my mother's attitude towards me. I thought they were strange. It was like I had spent more than ten years of my life making the most of a bad marriage, only these were my parents. And now, my brother, the patulent prodigal step-son had come to drill some sense into me. In a way, I thought ultimately, perhaps this was a lesson for me to examine what type of childhood conditioning that led me to this point. It was a very difficult period.
Anyway , I hear from my daughter that these days my parents (who are in their early 80's) do the cooking and cleaning. They each also do their laundry. My brother is either in his room, smoking weed outside or just not home . According to my mother he smokes weed to help with his asthma and when he's not home he's out on "business".
Anyway from this post it seems that my entire family hates me, not just my mom.
But I've never been able to not worry or try help them. So maybe I need strangers on the Internet to tell me that. I am currently trying to start all over, and I find the chance I should really leave and not look back. But I must admit, it's really hard to start over in your late forties.