Had a drs appt for my preteen today, and it’s really eating at me and I can’t nail down why 100%.
We were discussing my daughter’s recent meltdown at a loud public event, and how she acted before, during, and after exposure to the actual crowded event and loud noises. For context, my daughter is AuDHD according to her pediatrician and therapist, but they wanted her to have a psychiatrist diagnose her. The psychiatrist said she is def adhd but said that autism was “possible” but since she was “social & had social understanding” it suggested her “rigidity, inflexibility, outbursts, and perfectionism” were “symptoms of the adhd not ASD.” (note: I prefer autism, but the Dr wrote ASD, so I was transcribing her notes here) Of importance, I’m reviewing the original notes and see no mention of my daughter’s sensory issues. But I’m starting to have questions.
We spent a lot of time today talking about my daughter’s adhd meds, which I’m grateful for, because she’s been really struggling. But she kept saying “I’m not anxious, I’m overwhelmed.” Or “I’m not worried, I’m overwhelmed.” And they would bring it back around to “it sounds like anxiety about not being able to do well enough or x, y, z” (But I’m thinking OVERWHELM isn’t the same??)
And even when I was trying to convey how much I had to work to keep her “together” when she didn’t have the medicine, I was literally listing, “helping making sure she took her showers, ate her meals, did her chores, etc,” I don’t think they understand how much of her daily executive function *I* have to carry!! She masks so well, and boy don’t I know it (where do you think she learned that?!). But she really CAN do well when she’s supported? But also not when she’s not.
But anyway, back to the point. The doctor says that the reason she melted down at the event was anxiety. I made a motion to indicate the sound, and she said, “yes, when we’re anxious we can’t tolerate the sensory overload as much.” And talks about how my daughter can practice in lower stakes and not avoid by hiding out in the house and so on. Very kindly and gently. Which is why I don’t think it registered right away that this really bothered me. BUT IT DOES.
I think she is REALLY minimizing the impact of sensory issues and I’m not sure how to deal with this. If I’m 100% calm and not anxious, I still have sensory sensitivity. Can I manage them better? Yes. But can my sensory issues cause anxiety? Also yes. Like THOSE sometimes are THE DRIVER. And I know that’s the case for a lot of autistics.
Anyway. Can someone else weigh in please? I know waitlists are long and it’s not realistic to switch (don’t know who I’d even switch to!), and I don’t think this Dr will take a ton of feedback, but I’d also like to not be a pushover and be my daughter’s advocate. And fwiw, the rest of my daughter’s care team is amazing and I feel like our medication is sufficiently managed with this Dr. so maybe I’m just being dramatic.