80 yo MIL deeply into romance scam for maybe >5 years
MIL sold her house and applied for bankruptcy. She visited us temporarily while looking for new housing. However, we found out that she is in too deep into romance scam for years. We saw her messages with 4 scammers (most likely the same person) and she has been sending them cash, gift cards, bitcoin and lost hundreds of thousands in the process and she is still going.
2 years ago, we talked to her about it when we found out she was getting scammed. She said she already blocked them but it was not true and she ended up filling for bankruptcy and had to sell her house.
Today, she ubered to different stores to get total of $2000 gift cards and sent the codes to the scammer. We called the police but they could not do anything about it. We called the elderly care, and referred us to someone local who helps the elderly. She also helped us connect to adult protective services and we talked to them about our situation.
They advised us to change the password on all her devices. They are visiting us soon and will assess MIL for dementia. I personally doubt she has dementia as she is very sharp and able to learn new things and can follow instructions very well. Although, sometimes she would use her age and her frailty for her advantage so we would feel bad for her and cater to what she wants.
When she was younger, it’s in her nature to be a narcissist and manipulative. Now, She lies a lot and defends the scammers all the time. She told the scammer that she is only here because she has no money and that once she gets our information and money, she is ready to run away with the scammer and disown all of us. My wife was very hurt of course. And this terrified me. She couldn’t kick her mom out and felt responsible for keeping her safe. That’s why we are doing our best to protect her but if she’s mentally sound, what can we do? Just wait to be scammed out of our finances and lose our house and hard earned savings too, just like her? I am very supportive of my wife, but I have concerns. I need to protect our family too but at the same time, didn’t want to send out my MIL and be more in harms way and be homeless.
We don’t know what will happen during the visit. She usually does not like being told what to do. Any advice is appreciated. What can we do if she refuses to be assessed? She is a nasty little lady and can say really hurtful things. I’m already embarrassed for those who are coming to assess her. What boundaries can we set?
We don’t have POA and can’t decide for her. And all my wife’s other siblings didn’t want to do anything about it. They had enough of her verbal and emotional abuse. My wife and I are the only family who want to save her.
MIL siblings stopped talking to her since she scammed them all. What can I say to my wife that will help her understand that I am not comfortable with her in our house as her toxic presence affects our kids tremendously. Wife and MIL argues a lot and not in a calm manner. Our household does not do this kind of communication but with my MIL around, it pushes my wife to the limits.
I don’t want to lose my wife in the process. Please be kind with your words as we are going through a lot at this time. Thank you so much.