I’ve been comfortable with my body my whole life, now I suddenly want both parts
I’ve always been under the assumption that gender identity is a lifelong battle. I didn’t realize it was possible to get these feelings so suddenly well after puberty.
I consider myself a cis woman who is “gender apathetic”—I’ve never felt attached to any sort of label, I’m okay with any pronouns, I dress feminine and masculine, that sort of thing. I’m bisexual and consider all body types attractive as well. This has sorta led to me saying things like “dude wouldn’t it be so cool if humans can change genitals at will” or “what if I can just temporarily grow a penis”. At first it wasn’t serious, or it was only in a sexual context, but that train of thought has definitely evolved.
One time I was posing for a lewd photo while dressing masculine. That’s something I’m used to. I decided to stuff something in my pants to create a bulge for extra effect. Something about looking at myself with the bulge felt… good. I dismissed it as a kink thing for the time though.
Months later, I get my first strap-on. I definitely enjoyed the feeling of power it gave me, but after sex I found myself not wanting to take it off.
Fast forward to now, I’ve been having dreams about having a penis and waking up disappointed. I have never had dysphoria in my life, and still don’t think I have it, except maybe in the way that I’ve been looking down more often and feeling something is “missing”. I still like my chest and my vulva, I just want the option without fully committing. I now found that this is something others actually do through r/salmacian and it’s been an unusual experience seeing an identity I feel aligned with.
I’m not even sure what I’m asking at this point, I guess if this is normal? Is it valid for me to feel this out of nowhere, even if it stemmed from kink?
Tl;dr I have a vulva I’ve always been okay with, but now I want to have a penis as well