TW: Self harm, usual boring stuff

Although this post should have vent/rant flair I am not using it. I need help or it is another attention seeking activity of mine.

So, yeah! I am coward. I dont have courage to face hate in office, out of home, with relatives. I dont have courage to be out to my mom. I dont have courage to atleast start self-harm, let alone Suicide and obviously i dont have courage to hold a pen to write last note. I dont have courage to think how my family be better off without me. I dont have courage to leave home or home nation. "I am just lazy" I've been reminded. Wish I was productive to fight cowardness.

I badly want to hear word to word(sorry i know i am being controlling but i really wanna hear only this): "K(my name), everything will be all right. I/we know now is not the good time. But I/WE ARE HERE! You matter to us. We dont wanna loose you."

I am sorry i am/was feeling low.

So, i have one coconut(tender). I dont want to grate it so coconut chutney and its variations are out. I want to make Subzi and side dish.