Asking my long term partner about sex
I (45F) am 8 years in to a relationship with my partner (49M). He's great in many ways, but we've never had great communication about sex or our relationship. I have to lead on any conversations, and he gets defensive very easily. We recently started exploring sex together again after a long dry spell caused by my pelvic pain/depression. Some things with my body are different now, so we both need to get a little creative and learn some new things. I feel like there's plenty to talk about.
We had sex today and I thought it was pretty good. Not great for me (partly just because I was in my head), but totally fine--and I'm honestly just happy to be trying again. He's silent and unsmiling during and after sex (normal for him). It's always made me a little insecure, but especially now. I'd like to check in and start a conversation. Something like "I liked fooling around with you yesterday, did you have a good time?" Then maybe share some things I liked, and try to draw him out a little about his opinions. But I'm worried he'll react negatively. Like he'll immediately get defensive because he'll think I am only asking because I am about to critique his performance, or he just won't want to talk and shut it down completely.
Especially for the guys--what's a way of bringing up a discussion about your sex life that's extremely non-threatening and maybe even fun? Is there some way of approaching this that would work well for you that maybe I'm not thinking of?