Why do I hold on to someone who hurts me?
Hello, I’ve been in a relationship for about 5-6 months now but there was a few day stop due to lies and communication. I am f20 with anxious attachment and they are m23 with avoidant attachment. In the beginning of march we have broke up to the lies, communication etc. we lived with each other since beginning dec 2025- end feb 2026, everything seemed fine until again those things started to happen. After 2 days of break up in march he had gotten straight on dating apps since he was “angry”. When we started talking again I checked his phone to see if he was up to something in that time frame which I know is wrong of me. He did end up having tinder and hinge texting girls saying things like “I think we would look good together” , “why do you need to be so far” , and the basic “hiii” “I love your style”. That just erked me.. a bit down the line I let it be, hoping things would change but I see he’s on hinge still. Texting a girl on their similar interests, compliments. As he said he wants to make things work and so do I. Some random day in the middle of march I told him that I did that and we laughed on some stuff like “why would you do that” and he replied “I just thought it was funny and like it would be funny to look back on”. Ok.. so I get we didn’t have a “label” at that time but what the fuck. I warned him on being with someone else, he could go fuck off.. but after a while , I had this weird feeling in my guts I was unsure. His password was changed? He was still on the dating apps. I changed my password too but he doesn’t go on my phone. He said that I was going past his boundaries when he has crossed mine many times before I crossed his. I felt disappointed.. I know this relationship lacks on my trust because how can I trust him when he all he’s done was lie on many things behind my back. He had also blocked me on everything except for TikTok since he didn’t know my main account. I’ve also begged and asked him multiple times in a whole month for him to do so , he said he would unblock me but it never happened. So again he got angry that’s why the password was on.
I found he also had a Facebook dating profile with active messages which I straight up deleted it out of fear & anger.
To now Wednesday(may 6th) I asked him to have his phone unlocked because of me wanting to trust. He said that he would only change his password if he cared , so obviously he must of been hiding something all along. He agreed to letting me have his password and the words changed to “yes you can go on my phone whenever you want”.
I checked his phone this morning Friday(may 8th) to find the usual which isn’t much. But he’s very active on TikTok following girls etc. I saw no dating apps but I saw he was newly mutual with a girl, same style as me etc (alt, piercings, coloured hair, really skinny) I am personally tiny myself since I lost most of my weight trying to fix myself & get on medication.
I know when you mutually add someone on TikTok you get the direct message telling you to say hi. But I saw he liked some of her stuff and her message wasn’t there… were they talking and he deleted it at some point?
Then continuing on to check his phone I saw a message that was deleted. Monday(may 4th) he received a message from Tinder saying his account was currently hidden. I’m not sure if Tinder shuts your account down after a while of not using it or if he’s using it and currently hid himself. I asked my friend who used tinder in the past and they said they were off of tinder for a few months then came back to it still active with likes/ new matches.
His history was also completely wiped.
What do I do.. I want to see if he’s actively texting people then deleting it behind my back since he said he ISN’T talking to other women.. but it hurts me to even think about leaving him/moving on since those 2 days were disgusting being away from him.
Why am I holding on to someone who’s done nothing but hurt me and most likely cheating on me. Am I scared to be alone ?