u/InfamousJellyfish179

It’s been almost 4 weeks now since I found out. You can read my prior posts and comments for more details, but 2 year relationship, engaged, and I found texts on his iPad which revealed he’d cheated on me the first four months of our relationship. Two weeks before marriage, I had to leave him.

I chose to leave him. I got my own apartment. I’ve spent the last week moving everything myself in my car. We’re not no contact, some logistics still needed to be figured out. Yesterday, I saw him for some time. I needed him to sign off my car title, he did. He brought me food. I haven’t been eating. We both cried, laughed, cried again. He said he knows my decision, but said his therapist asked him theoretically if he’d try again if I asked him, and he said he’d jump at the chance to fix his mistakes. We talked about going no contact. He said he doesn’t have the strength to block me, asked if I could. I can’t yet either. He’s been nothing but respectful and remorseful. Apologies and acknowledgement. He’s doing therapy and on medications. I need therapy too, I’m only just able to start looking into it now.

I felt hollow after he left, but not heavy. And today, I’m struggling. I’m struggling to stay steady, god I miss him so much. I know I cannot trust him the way I did. But maybe the way I trusted was naive anyway. I don’t think I can trust anyone the way I used to. He feels like home to me still. And I don’t know what to do. It feels like I’m cutting off my own limbs whatever I do.

But he cheated on me and lied to me, erased me for the first four months. He hasn’t explained it to me, or said what was going through his mind at the time. I think he would if I asked him to explain it now. Would that help me? Either of us? I just wish I could erase it all and go back how we were, he was so doting and loving and I don’t know how we got here and I’m really not doing too well

I feel ashamed for even considering suggesting reconciliation. We’re not married, nothing forcing us to stay together. My head hurts and I’m struggling to function

Today, I was supposed to get married. We were going to get ice cream together to celebrate. I was going to go home with my husband.

Instead, I spent my day signing a new apartment lease, arguing with the city to get electricity started, and dropping off his things at a mutual friend’s place. I don’t know how many times I’ve randomly cried today.

He asked me for a second chance a few days ago. One of his friends today asked me to consider giving him another chance too. I told them all it won’t work. Doesn’t matter what I want or how much I love him. We would become toxic, and love would curdle into bitterness and resentment and we’d end up hating each other.

But god it hurts. I still love him, and I miss my best friend. Instead of exchanging vows today, we only texted to figure out where my car title is.

It has been almost three weeks now since I found out he cheated on me. It still doesn’t feel real. He was my world, and my home. My safe place to land and my favorite thing on earth. But he set us up to fail.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I don’t understand why he did this to us. And yet I can’t muster any anger or hatred. Just grief and disappointment, and so much sorrow.

My dress is hanging in my closet. My ring is in a box. And my heart feels bruised and battered and every day that I have to reinforce that theres no going back it feels like I’m slowly carving my own heart out.

I’m engaged. I was happily engaged. I thought I’d found the man of my dreams. He treated me so well, with directness and love. Two years of what I thought was forever. Two days ago, I found the messages.

He cheated on me for the first four months of our relationship. He scheduled visiting her the same days he would visit my family. He’d send her pictures that I took of him. He pretended I didn’t exist. He lied to my face, and he lied to her until the relationship faded away. And then he let the messages rot in place until I uncovered them. Until I picked apart the timeline and realized the foundation was tainted, those precious and crucial memories all now have his cheating overlaying them.

We were going to get married in two weeks. Have the dress and everything. I don’t know what to do.

He just keeps repeating that he made distance between himself and the other woman after becoming serious with me. That he eventually stopped, he didn’t continue it. That he wants me, and that he never strayed since and never will. And I don’t know.

Two days to destroy two years, and to stop a marriage from happening in two weeks.