u/InfluencePositive852

Through and through. I think hypocrites are the ugliest people around because they behave mighty, and spew stuff. And yet do the same damn thing.

It’s my fault for messaging. It’s my fault for verifying. It’s my fault for accessing NSFW. I’ve never used Reddit as a means and now that I have. I feel so dirty.
😭😭😭

What was the point? Couple of minutes off “pleasure” and for what?!?!!

I am so disappointed in myself. It would’ve been 3 weeks today. Ffs. I feel so low. Not in the sense of my life is over, but in the sense of how do I move my two feet back to my prayer mat after what I have seen and done.

I take 1 step forward, and 10 back. Genuinely. I can not be in a place where I am blocking my rizq. Forget marriage. I mean work, family relationships, health etc etc.

I am such a hypocrite. I will play ruqya on YouTube to go to sleep now.

May Allah swt forgive me 😭😭 and us all. And make it easy on this path. I couldn’t even last 10 days 🫩. Astaghfirullah

As bad as this is. This is my first relapse this year where I’m not being pushed into self hatred, or misery or helplessness. This is the first relapse where I am taking control and responsibility for my actions 😩. I am not failing here. I will still fast iA on day of arafah and I will make the most of the remaining hours and days.

Salaam all.

Just wanted to write a few words as we are about to enter the month of Dhul Hijjah. Mainly that they are the best 10 days of the year!! The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“There are no days on which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these ten days.” (Bukhari).

I recommend the sunnah of fasting on day of Arafah! Fasting on this specific day expiates the sins of the previous year AND the coming year (Muslim). Since Ramadan I have been relapsing left right and centre and feel ashamed that I did not change and implement what I learnt in the month. So thus I am making the intention to fast to expiate all my sins 😭. This is a massive chance to erase the guilt and shame of the past year and start fresh. I encourage everyone inshaAllah to also!

So what can we all do to fill out time so the shaitan has no space?

1. Fast if you can, recommended on 9th day of arafah
2. Max out the Takbeer: Whenever you feel an urge, say "Allahu Akbar" or "La ilaha illa Allah". The Prophet said to recite a lot of Tahleel and Takbeer during these days.
3. Cut the triggers - Is 5 seconds of pleasure worth losing a year's worth of reward?
4. Make dua: Allahumma innaka 'afuwwun tuhibbul 'afwa fa'fu 'anni" (O Allah, You are Pardoning, You love to pardon, so pardon me)
5. Make a sincere Tawbah.

May Allah swt grant us the strength and knowledge to implement all of this. May Allah help us all. Allahuma ameeeeeen 😭

Alhamdulillah I have reached 14 days clean. My mind feels much more sharper, I am more focused. I have implemented better habits, I am trying to maintain my 5 daily salah. I have deleted the apps from my phone, and when tempted to redownload/access I remind myself that Allah swt is watching. I can make eye contact with colleagues at work and family / friends without shame and embarrassment.
I have my half marathon race this Saturday that I’ve been training for!! So inshallah that goes well.
My community has not increased per se but I am keeping busy and getting out there.
May Allah swt make it easy for us all.

The beginning few days is hard, in fact the first 7/8 it felt like I was a kid that had their toys taken away. Alhamdulillah now with more days free, I feel this pmo vice has less of a hold on my throat. This is my first time two weeks clean this year I believe. 🫡