Joint custody, weaning struggle, guilt and fears
My daughter is almost 2 and I only have her 50% overnights since she was 8 months. When she comes home to me, she wants to nurse immediately to feel that closeness. It has been very important to me to keep that bond with her, because it is so hard for us to be away from each other. We have tried cutting back to just when she first sees me and nap time/bedtime. She nurses most of the night and her latch was never great, so now I have simi permanent teeth marks around my nipples. She also has meltdowns if she is upset or disregulated and cannot nurse, to the point that she won’t eat or calm down, until I inevitably give in. I fear how this confuses her also. She has also started pushing me away and yelling “no” if I tell her we will nurse in the morning or at nap, etc.
I am starting to get frustrated with the biting pain. But I am so afraid that we will loose our closeness if I wean her. I fear that she won’t want to snuggle and be close anymore, because she pushes me away often when I refuse to nurse during the day. Are there other nursing mothers with joint custody on here? The guilt I have from being away from her and wanting to be her comfort is overwhelming. I worry that she will loose her safe place without mommas milk. It is already so hard to be away from her, I fear that she won’t trust me if I take away her one comfort at mom’s house. I am in a constant internal battle or wanting to set consistent boundaries, while simultaneously having empathy that we only get to be together part time.
I don’t know how to move forward.