Random thoughts about felliwship
I read an article recently that I related to a lot and as I tend to do, I started to think about AA. The article was about how some of us made friends pre-internet. We hung out round towns and waited for people to show up. We made friends by turning up to the same place every week and over time we had these small low stakes interactions with other people.
Often they were with people we would not necessarily seek out, but these shared interactions made us friends - roaming the streets looking for others, playing in video arcades, bars or whatever was the popular activity at that time and place. As a result I have a few friends today who are polar opposites to me but we connected anyway just from hanging out over time.
The article contrasted that with the challenges that young people have making friends these days. They do not have that shared unstructured hanging out space. The alternative is to seek out people with whom they have specific things in common with first, often digitally. The problem is that limits the pool of people they connect with, even though geographically that pool is infinitely wider now. It also puts extra pressure on those first crucial interactions. Situations like this will favour those with stronger personalities. The end result is often an echo chamber, which is nowhere near as healthy as a more mixed group.
It reminded me a lot about the concerns that new members talk about here - social anxiety, shyness, the need for connection. It made me think about AA groups, which are somewhat similar to a bunch of friends that have widely different approaches to life.
It also made me think about the differences between online and offline meetings (not in a one is better than the other, just in how approaches can differ. Some offline groups can be even more insular than online).
I also thought about how a lot of us come to AA looking for certainty after the craziness of drinking. A certain solution in the programme, a certain spiritual approach that makes perfect sense or even the certainty that we belong or are accepted. That does not always happen. Many times I had to get ok with grey areas, mystery and people that I just do not gel with. That is ok too.
Mostly though, it made me think about how groups change over time as a result of the mix of different people. My home group is vastly different to what it was like when I first joined it. It has changed to reflect what new members brought to it and I think that is as it should be. It keeps AA responsive.
Mostly though, it reminded me of fellowship - the hanging out with oddball peers that I had nothing in common with besides pain and the way the oldtimers welcomed me into AA and told me that they valued my input, no matter how small or crazy.
Anyhoo, just thought I'd share my musings with ye all : )
Edit: fellowship, not felliwship