Is it worth it to keep fighting for the relationship? 17 M and 17F
im not good at putting my thoughts together so i am sorry and if i repeated anything or seem like im talking gibberish im sorry for that as well.
I have started dating my girlfriend 8 months ago and i had been friends with her for 6 months. The entire time i was friends with her i was warned that they are “bi polar” with no actual proof but kind of like a personality trait. Anyways i really love this girl i really do but it feels like she don’t understand how hard it is to be with her and how draining she is. Time and time again i find myself forgiving her without a fight because im thinking its just a little whoops and if i keep going it will get better. They apologize for their own problems and i do too but they keep falling back into those problems. They say that im a reason that they actually like going out and doing things and whatnot and i feel that thats kind of making me guilty and letting them get away with things. They have this friend that they have had for 5-6 years and i know it might be selfish or jealousy talking but i dont think i will ever be loved like how they love that friend. It makes me feel insignificant and unloved. They say that they still get “nervous” around me even though we are together. If i try and approach them when i see them out and about, which is very rarely, they act like they dont notice me until im directly in front of them saying their name. And even then they dart their eyes around and act uninterested. They act as if im their friend and ive seen how they act with their friends and its made me grown to resent their friendships. I know its common for people to be quick to blame their partner’s friends for whats happening in their relationships but i really do feel like thats whats happening. Anyways back on track, they treat me like some nobody, i end up seeming like some awkward loser every time i try to speak to them out in public. Like they are ashamed of being seen with me. I have brought this up with them and something yall should know is that they go non verbal when mad and dont respond for hours on end which is when i start to apologize. But another thing you should know is PDA, i do not participate in PDA at least i think i dont. All we do is a quick peck on the lips when saying goodbye and hugs and holding hands. But when i try to do this stuff in front of anyone especially their friends i get met with a hesitant reaction or a step back or moving their face to avoid me. I have brought this us too recently and they have apologized and blamed it on not liking public affection. And they said they “would do better for me” which to me feels like they are trying to manipulate me into thinking im some kind of asshole. But i tried again maybe thinking it would be different this day and even before i was near them i saw it again. I decided to just keep going and trying to ignore that. They say that they love me and that im the reason for good things in their life and that they are grateful for me as i am grateful for them. But without the actions those words mean nothing. And the whole day i had been thinking about all the times that they have done stuff like this and said they were going to do better and i just cant see it going anywhere anymore. I feel like im falling out of love and that even if they are fixed it wont be better. A reason that i havent brought up their friend to them is because they have talked about how if someone where to talk about their friend they would never forgive them and i feel that they turn a blind eye towards how crappy their friend is. I cant see a life where ill ever be as close to them as their friend.
Im not sure if im just overly jealous or sensitive and or overreacting/overthinking but theres more stuff that i just am too tired to talk about and deal with.
I really dont know what to do.
(I wrote this post without gender at first so please excuse all of the “they/them”’s)
TL;DR: I cant see the relationship lasting because i will never be as close to her as her friends.