I'm exhausted and don't know what to do..(28F/30M)
I (28F) have lived with my boyfriend (30M) of almost 3 years, for almost 2 years. (He owns the house, I pay him anywhere from 400-800/mo in rent, we work at the same job in almost the same position)
When I first moved in, the agreement was that whoever cooks, the other cleans. That lasted maybe a month before it suddenly became my sole responsibility. I brought it up to him (it triggered a fight) and his response was that it's "my job to earn my keep at his house", especially cause I "do it all anyways".
We haven't had sex since I've lived here. He has zero drive to do anything to me, but wants me to blow him.
I went to play DnD with a friend from work and he almost broke up with me over it. Also didn't speak to me for 4 DAYS over it cause he "wasn't ready to have a conversation about it." I was frustrated the other day over a knitting project not working and he went to his room to avoid me and when I showed him I finally figured it out, the first thing he asked was "if I was done being grumpy", I walked out and closed the door again. Later he walked out and asked me if I was "done being scary?"
He hates my friends but hasn't really met or gotten to know any of them (probably because I'm friends with a lot of guys but have known them for 8 years or more). Only wants me to get to know his friends girlfriends.
Last summer he got caught being posted on the "are we dating the same guy" Facebook group in my area. He was messaging the girl that posted on and off for almost our entire relationship. I confronted him, he told his parents everything before admitting it to me. When he admitted it to me he told me how he had actually messaged multiple girls for his sexual exploits. He says he never met up or slept with any of them, so I made sure he deleted them. He elected to delete all social media to get me to trust him again. I gave him another chance. He said he was all for couples therapy, therapy on his own, and he would be better when it came to our sex life.
He got Facebook back in the fall, said it was for friends and family only, then branches out into co-workers. Then I started getting suggestions for girls that only he was friends with earlier, no other friends or family had them. I called him out on it and he got defensive saying I was policing his Facebook, he says he deleted them but I can't see his friends list on Facebook, but the suggestions have gone away 🤷♀️
Fast forward almost a year later, no couples therapy, no therapy on his own, and nothing has changed in our sex life. Still shows zero interest in doing anything to me.
We don't do anything together anymore except sit on the couch and watch TV and be on our phones. I made a point to talk about how we don't do anything together anymore, but when his friends ask to do stuff he does what he can to be there. His response to me was "that's different" and I pointed out that it's worse that he'll drop everything for them but we live together and he doesnt wanna do anything together. No dates, he doesn't want to go on walks or hikes with me, we used to play video games together and now we don't.
We come home from work, both tired and exhausted and I'm still expected to cook us dinner every night. I asked him to boil water for hotdogs (cause he wanted hot dogs) and he refused over and over to do it, and started saying "no, no, bad" while waving his finger at me.
He ripped the blanket from under my head last week to wake me up when I fell asleep on the couch and a few days prior flicked me repeatedly in the face until I woke up.
He was super lovey dovey the other day before bed, and lo and behold, it was to try and get me to blow him. I didn't cause I wasn't in the mood for it.
The past few days he's been better emotionally with me and more attentive with giving me more affection, seeming to want to do stuff together suddenly, so its making my heart hurt at the thought of leaving him. I love him a lot, and I love his family and friends and how many people I've come to know at work because they know I'm dating him.
It's hurting me cause I feel like I'll be abandoning him if I leave and I don't want to hurt him.
It seems like it might be getting better but I also don't want to keep hanging onto hope.
Someone help me out, is leaving going to be better here? 😭