Destined to be in a second place forever.
I'm married to a woman that I love above everything else. She's perfect for me and I can't imagine myself being with someone else ever. I also never wanted a family with anyone else. And I've known many-many women. She has two kids from previous marriage though. We tried a third one, but it won't happen. I love them regardless, show up for them, take care of them. Homework, sport activities, walks, bike rides, I'm up for everything. They call me dad. I consider them to be my kids and my responsibility and will never leave them. I renovated her country house, her flat. Moved in with them. Money is a non-factor for me, I just want them to have the best.
But I cant shake off the feeling that this life was not meant for me. I'm just a convenient coincidence, a glitch in a system. She chose different man for this. I waited for her. He didn't care, leeched off her. She gave him car, bought watches, expensive clothing, cared for him. And he was just along for the ride for as long as it was convenient to him. When he wanted more control in their relationships she got rid of him. Yet I will never amount to anything that he achieved with her. So here I am: bound to my family but also not really a part of it. Unable to live without them, but also unable to live a true full life. Forever a second place after him. Even if I had the whole world at my feet. I guess I should feel blessed, but it all feels like the Universe playing a bad joke on me.