I’m not to sure how to even begin. I’m a mix of emotions right now. I found my self pregnant about a week ago, 14dpo, so I’m sure I’m 5-6 weeks pregnant. I was afraid to test but I knew I had to and I was so unhappy about my positive results. I didn’t want to be pregnant, I was angry and sad. I had just had a baby 10 months ago. My son hasn’t even turned 1, and I was hoping to try for another when he was 2 years old. I have a loving husband, and he was so excited to find out, so he just held me in his arms while I cried my eyes out. I told him I didn’t want to he pregnant, and he tried to encourage me to let me see the positive side but I just couldn’t. I cried and cried and said it was so hard for me during labor and birth, and especially postpartum with our son. My body hasn’t even had time to heal yet. The thought of abortion immediately took over my mind. How can my husband ever forgive me if I made the decision to abort, will he divorce me? (He’s a Christian who is against abortion).
I received the pills last week on Friday, and I just got back from vacation last night. I just took the first pill of mifepristone, without my husbands knowledge. I’m filled with guilt, because I’m keeping this from my husband. I feel so terrible. I’m not a religious person, but I do believe in God. Before I took the pill, I asked God for forgiveness, and spoke to my unborn baby, i told it I was sorry for making this decision and that it was their fault but mine. It was just not the right time right now and to please come back to me when the timing is right. I asked my baby for my forgiveness to, and just cried and cried.
I guess I just need advice, encouragement, and comfort. I’m a mess