I feel enraged and helpless | A bitter taste of internalized misogyny in South Asia | Should I have done anything else?
More like protecting the ego of her "man"
A little background about me:
I am in my early 20s, F. I have lived in this city (one of the more liveable cities in my country) for over a decade. I have mostly leftist friends and refuse to spend my energy teaching blindly patriarchal people about the concept of logic and equity for a better society. I am content in my life and single by choice because I wanna leave this f***ed up country first.
The actual scene breakdown that lead to a meltdown for me:
While riding on a crowded metro, this heteronormative couple was occupying a "reserved for women" seat. I happened to stand in front of them, carrying 2 light bags. After a few minutes of boarding I asked the guy directly to get up while mentioning that its a seat reserved for women. He was reluctant. He looked at his partner and was about to get up when this woman held his arm & told me to ask other men to get up. Her argument was
"why are you asking only him, there are other men sitting here too, why don't you ask them?"
I replied almost instantly that - as a woman you are defending him?
She said "no no I'm not defending him. . . ."
I assertively said "you are" multiple times for her stupid rebuttals revolving around the same "why him?" argument.
I mumbled loud enough for her to hear "internalized misogyny" as she just brushed it off.
My internal thoughts (during):
I didn't want to attract more attention, if any, so I just stood right in front of them for the entire ride while the man was still sat. Burying his head in his phone, not able to face me even once.
I was about to cry but held back my tears so it doesn't get weaponized against me.
I felt helpless.
My thoughts after:
I don't wanna buy into the whole "a woman is another woman's enemy" but the internalized misogyny caught me off guard and i did my best there w whatever judgement i had. I talked to a few friends, cried my heart out, processed this and what it signalled to me.
I still feel like I should've done more, said more. Will punch a pillow before I get to bed. :)
Tl;dr - A man is his 30s was defended against me into NOT giving up his seat in the "reserved for women" section in public transit by his partner, woman in her 30s because protecting a man's fragile ego in my state is everything.
Please share any of ur own incidents cause I feel pretty alone and powerless