She was everything I thought I wanted, so why did I pull away?
I have known this girl for a while. We were mostly talking online and had met once before our second date. The time period between the two dates was almost a year.
From the first date, things got a bit intimate. She was hot, smelled amazing, and everything seemed right on paper, but I think the timing back then was wrong because I was still going through a rough patch from another relationship. I ignored all the signals my heart was giving me and continued talking to her anyway.
She was always very flirty, almost too much to the point where I felt unchallenged somehow. I guess I’m more used to being the one initiating things rather than the other way around.
Fast forward to recently, when I finally got the chance to see her again since I live abroad. She was super nice, warm, and excited to see me. The plan was just to grab coffee and talk during Ramadan, but things quickly became very intimate again until I stopped it.
I think the fact that it was Ramadan made me even more conflicted internally. Part of me wanted closeness and affection, while another part of me felt uncomfortable with how fast things escalated.
And that’s where the confusion hit me. My mind was telling me to slow down, while part of me was still attracted to her. I started questioning whether I actually liked her deeply or if I was just caught up in the attention, chemistry, and physical attraction. When I pulled back, she got upset and started questioning whether I was even attracted to her at all.
Now I’m left wondering if I sabotaged something genuine because I was emotionally unavailable, or if my hesitation was actually my intuition trying to tell me something.