u/Initial_Surprise7147

I’m not sure if I should post this here. But I just need to rant to someone and feel like they actually hear my voice. Sorry if this post is all over the place.So if go and see my last post you will see the situation I’m in. Which will also help give more context.

I found out he flew her out to him. And he lied about it they got together and used no condom. Which was a rule I thought was important for the both of us. Just for a little context my bf does travel work, so we call and text a lot. And I had no clue she was even with him that weekend. He hid it so well and lied about why he was out drinking. He put her above me so many fucking times. Even with just little things like a Minecraft sever I wanted to play with him but she told him she didn’t want me there so I wasn’t allowed to play. He love bombed the shit out of the other girl too and was telling her that he wanted her to move in with us and our daughter. He only knew her for maybe three weeks. Now he just makes me feel like it’s all my fault because if I just told him no to the polyamory that he wouldn’t have done any of this. But he didn’t have to lie. I just feel so stupid. I feel stupid for wanting him and she was just in the other room and I had no idea. He blames his emotions and him being upset and hurt for why he did this. Which I’m not going to make it seem like I am an angel. I cheated almost two years ago, I was drunk and hurt over other things and that’s not an excuse for what I did, but I still used a condom that night. I never put that other guy above my bf, it happened I regretted it and blocked the guy on everything even tho we were friends. I never wanted my bf to think I cared more about some friend than him. Me and my bf I thought worked things out from that happening. But I guess not, and he just is blaming all of this on my one mistake I made. Which maybe it is all my fault. I don’t know anymore. He did break up with her and remove everything about her from his phone.

Just for a little context my partner (M) wanted to open to poly. I agreed because just the thought of it made him seem so happy. But then within the same day he already was flirting and talking to someone. He wasn’t cheating before, unless he was hiding it really good, but I looked at his phone because it was something I was worried about. Then within not even two weeks of becoming poly him and his new partner started dating. It’s been a little over a week since this. I’m mono and I’ve tried talking to other people and giving it a try but I just can’t. It’s not something I want to do. This past month I’ve been having terrible panic attacks, barely eating or sleeping. My partner sees this and I think that’s what hurts more. That he sees how I’ve been but still wants to be poly. He’s even said to me that he would rather break his own fingers than break up with his partner. He’s also said that having all three of us miserable isn’t fair.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve expressed to him many times that I don’t like this and I’ll never be happy in a lifestyle like this. Especially one so rushed and not something we even had time to learn about before him already having a girlfriend. I don’t want to break up with him, I love him so much but I’m just getting so tired of crying and arguing over the same things. Also we have a child together, I don’t want to affect our child’s life if we are split up.

So my bf wanted to open our relationship. I’m fine with it, I really don’t know why I get jealous. Like anytime he brings her up or I see them texted or calling. I get jealous and I really don’t want to be. I’m so happy that he is happy and I really enjoy his new gf, she is really sweet and nice. So is there any tips that you guys would recommend to a new to poly person. And I do know jealousy is normal even in poly relationships, just need some tips on managing it I guess. Or just any tips really for a new to poly person.