wlw exp got me messed up
It’s been almost a year since I went out on a date with a girl, she was 21 and I was 24. She was still in college and I was already working. I met her on bumble.
First date namin it was rlly nice cus I had everything planned out in my head.
We are both closeted to our parents and her siblings know she’s bi but kinda in denial or against it.
She would sometimes come pick me up at work and sometimes I would go all the way from Taguig to Taft.
It was a cute type of relationship na parang high school na tatakas pa sa magulang and lie.
She was basically my first in everything.
She broke up with me a month after my birthday because she can’t take the risk anymore, lying and getting disowned by her parents. I mean I can’t blame her, her family is great aside from being homophobic.
We were official for only a month and that’s why when ppl close to me ask me if okay na ako I just tell them yea isang buwan lng naman naging Kami.
But deep down, it felt like forever to me.
I’ve accepted the break up, I’ve seen it coming. She can’t be with me if she can’t stand up for herself. After she graduates she can’t lie to see me anymore cus parents nya are very strict. Bantay sarado.
Now months passed and I still think about her.
I keep telling myself to move on. Sometimes I believe that I moved on but sometimes I would still check her socials.
After the break up I wanted to leave everything behind, I wanted to disappear. I felt like something in me just went blank.
Sometimes my friends would ask me to go out pero ako parang napipilitan lng and when I’m with them I don’t feel happy anymore. Like piliit nlng lagi yung tawa ko and all.
Something in me died. And I even talked to a therapist and sabi Nya it might be just a break up depression but it’s been like 7 months now and I’m still like this.
Idk I might just marry a man and not date a woman.
Looking back, everything was amazing and worth it.
But I also have to remind myself na iniwan ako and I should stop romanticizing the relationship.
It’s not even the idea of being romantic with someone.
It was the fact that in that moment in the relationship, I saw a future with her na Hindi Nya nakita sa akin.
It hurts still. And it is really easier said than done but I have to move forward.