I (27F) am in along term relationship with (36M) my boyfriend but things have been very rocky from the start and I need advise on what to do please
I’m looking for some honest, unbiased advice about my relationship because I’m struggling to see the situation clearly anymore.
My partner and I have been together for about 4 years. In the beginning, he made a lot of the rules in the relationship — when I could see him, when we spoke, when we were intimate, etc. At the time, I didn’t really recognise how unhealthy this dynamic was.
We have now been living together for more than a year, and I’ve started putting my foot down and setting boundaries. Since doing that, I’ve realised just how much the relationship has been affecting me mentally, physically and emotionally. I feel completely drained.
For months now, it feels like all we do is fight. I have tried to talk to him about how I feel and about the problems in our relationship, but these conversations almost always turn into arguments rather than productive discussions.
Another issue is that I’m not allowed to discuss our relationship with friends or family. He believes that talking about relationship problems with other people is a betrayal of trust. Because of this, I often feel like I have nobody to talk to or get perspective from.
I also feel like I’m not really allowed to do things independently. He wants us to spend all our time together, and if I want to do something on my own, it becomes an issue because he feels that I should be spending that time with him instead.
Recently, I also went through a very traumatic family situation and had to take on a lot of responsibility. Despite everything that was happening, I was still being accused of not spending enough time with him — sometimes being told that I wasn’t spending any time with him at all.
I’m starting to question whether I’m being unreasonable or whether these behaviours are genuinely unhealthy. I know relationships require effort and compromise, and I’m not saying I’m perfect either. But I feel like I have lost a lot of myself trying to keep the relationship peaceful.
I would really appreciate honest advice from people who have experienced something similar. Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or are these signs of a controlling/unhealthy relationship that I shouldn’t ignore?
Please be kind — I’m genuinely trying to understand my situation and make the best decision for myself.