u/Inner-Curve5207

I have more to report since my last post. After not hearing from my DH or me for 5 days regarding her trying to steamroll my Mother’s Day, throwing my dead grandparents in my face, and trying to flip the table on me that I was actually dismissing HER feelings - she sent us another text this morning.

Basically she said - “I know you both have a lot on your plate so I’m thinking of just having a small celebration on Saturday with the boys (my DH and BIL) for Mother’s Day. I’m going to stop by Grandma’s (her mother) on Sunday. Saturday is my day to rest so I don’t like to go anywhere. I go all week and I like to rest on weekends”

It sounds like she is now telling us both what my DH’s plans will be for Saturday. Again, not asking. It also sounds like I am not invited, lol.

I guess she started to feel like I was “winning” on Sunday, so now she has to make it sound like a Saturday celebration was her idea when I recommended it in the first place. I guess overall, this was a win because I don’t have to see her this weekend and can just spend the weekend enjoying my babies, but man this woman really grinds my gears.

Mother’s Day Stress

Hello there! Long time reader here but this is my first post.

I have a long list of issues with my MIL dating back to probably around 7 years ago when my now DH and I were still dating. Our very first interaction led me to being blocked by her on social media for years, but that is a story for another time. She just seems to have issues with crossing boundaries, being manipulative, and inserting herself whenever possible. The way she is able to turn a conversation back to herself is actually a talent. My DH has had to defend her reckless behavior his whole life, so he can be very defensive when it comes to her. I am definitely a people pleaser, so dealing with someone who is entitled and demanding is a recipe for disaster.

I have two daughters, one is 21 months old, the other is only 6 weeks old. My MIL text me on Friday saying that she knows my DH is traveling for work (he wouldn’t be leaving until the following week and was probably not instantly responding to her text) and that she wants to come over on Mother’s Day and for me to talk to my DH and let her know what time she can come over. No recognition that I would also be celebrating or asking to share the day. Simply a demand.

I reminded her that it was also my Mother’s Day and we would have to see what my DH had planned for me. I recommended that we meet up on Saturday or another day in the week.

She told me that we did that last year (which was my very first Mother’s Day which she also tried to hijack) and that she was sad and alone that Sunday. She said it made her feel extremely unappreciated (even though my husband has been helping her financially for years). She told me that it is not too much to ask and that she would drive to our house (it’s about a 20 minute drive). She told me that she is aware that I didn’t grow up with grandparents so I wouldn’t understand, but that my girls are “lucky to have grandmas that loves them”.

For context, my grandparents on my mom’s side passed away shortly before I was born and my dad’s parents passed away in recent years. Although we did not live in the same state, we were close.

I told her that I felt like she was being very dismissive of my feelings and I didn’t appreciate that. To which she responded, “I feel the same way so I completely understand”.

The grandparent comment just really pushed me over the edge. I have been extremely accommodating to his family (I shared a birthday with his grandpa so pretty much every birthday on the actual day was an awkward get together with his family and I had to just make plans for another day).

I tried explaining to my DH that I’ve been looking forward to being a Mom my entire life and really just don’t want to spend the day cleaning the house, hosting her, and feeling anxious in my own house. We are just very much so still sleep deprived and in the newborn bubble phase. She recently visited about a week ago and it was a very awkward interaction.

My DH and I came to the conclusion it’s best that I not be the primary communicator when it comes to her. I don’t plan to answer any of her texts/reroute her to reach back out to my husband. He shared with me that he feels it’s hard to have a relationship with her when he is so worried that she will make some out of pocket remark that will hurt my feelings. I feel a little guilty for that, but I also feel I am allowed to protect my peace. I let him know usually I let things slide, but I am picking this battle and if he allows her to show up on Mother’s Day it is going to be a fight.

Anyway, what I guess I am getting at is am I being completely unreasonable here? I feel like I’ve been uncomfortable with her communication style and actions for so long that maybe I’m just overly sensitive. We are probably just going to be at the house, but for her to dismiss my feelings, overstep, and throw my dead grandparents in my face makes me not want to make any sort of effort. I would really just like a quiet day with my little family.