I (30F) have been married to my husband (30M) for over a year and together a total of 3 years now. Since the start my MIL has not been a fan. I've been told by multiple people that it's not a personal thing, she has never liked the girls he's dated. She has caused multiple issues in our relationship that have almost resulted in me walking away including telling my husband's friends that she won't attend our wedding due to it only ending in divorce and that we haven't made her feel special.
My husband's birthday is coming up this week and I assumed we'd end up having an intimate family dinner with his side as to me that is normal. Today he mentions that his mom is taking only him out for dinner tomorrow for his birthday. I got upset and started to cry because it feels like she is constantly removing me from normal things spouses are naturally included in. I grew up in an environment where once you are married your spouse is almost an "extension" of you meaning if there are important events or gatherings it's disrespectful to not include them by default.
Recently I've been told by my FIL (they are divorced) that I need to work on my relationship with my MIL and basically forgive all the ugliness she has thrown my way (there has been a lot; almost therapy worthy). So to continue being excluded from dinners (not the first time) seems like a joke when I'm being told to suck it up and deal with a smile.
My husband doesn't understand what the problem is and believes me to be overreacting. AITAH for allowing this to upset and getting angry at my husband for not seeing disrespectful she is towards me.