u/Insearchoftomatoes2

Last night my boyfriend and I made a lovely meal of lemon caper fish, potatoes and asparagus. It was a delicious meal and my first time trying this variety of fish. I enjoyed it! Everything was wonderful and we had a great night.

Today I went about my day as normal, had my morning coffee and poop and went on my way to work. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Everything was okay up until I hopped in the shower around 10pm a little bit before my boyfriend and started to shower. We usually shower together so he was in the bathroom pretty close by.

Anyways, as I’m in the shower I go to wash my butt crack and I get in there ya know, like you should! While I’m washing my butthole I felt something stringy that felt like maybe some ass hairs stuck together or something. I dig a little bit deeper and decide to pull on the wad of hair because I thought it was a piece of toilet paper or something. NOPE I was wrong. Once I pulled on it, it felt like something moving around in my butthole. Similar to the sensation of taking a poop. I bring my hand back out and give it a sniff— poop smell. Oh no.

I freak out, step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel and hop on the toilet. Embarrassed, I tell my boyfriend something really weird and scary is going on and I don’t think I want to tell him about it.

He understandably agrees to not ask about it and hops in the shower while I’m sitting on the toilet panicking that I have intestinal worms or something worse. I sprayed potpourri of course before sitting on the toilet so he knew it was poop related, but I didn’t want to say anything else.

I sit on the toilet for a little while trying to poop whatever it is out, and start to panic because there’s no movement or urge to poop. In a moment of fear I do what I know I don’t want to do, but I have to do. I reach down and touch around near my butthole.

I found a string like thing hanging out of my butthole and start to pull on it, it was the weirdest feeling thing ever. Do not recommend. Anyways, I pull on the stringy thing and it’s pretty long but it finally comes out. At this point I am fully convinced I have intestinal worms and I am freaking out.

I get up and look in the toilet and it looks like a piece of plastic wadded up or something not natural just came out of my body. It was freaky.

I wash my hands for a while and decide to hop back in the shower with my boyfriend. While in the shower I start to tell him that I’m worried that I have “something going on with my intestines” and he’s like “…..okay that doesn’t sound good” and scared out of my mind I continue to say that I might have intestinal worms or something from the fish we ate last night but he mentions that he didn’t have any weird gut issues today so it’s got to be something else. We both shower for a little bit and he hops out.

Then I am finally left alone to think about what just happened and I finally piece it all together. It was the fucking stringy ass asparagus we ate the night before that I didn’t digest properly STUCK IN MY BUTTHOLE. I can’t believe it. I had no idea vegetables could do me dirty like that.

I start to laugh a little bit and googled the scenario when I got out of the shower and I guess Reddit user u/sir_kunkalot had the exact same thing happen to them but they had to pull out multiple pieces of asparagus. Luckily I only had one, for now LOL. I never was that into the taste of asparagus but now I definitely don’t fuck with that vegetable.

Right now my boyfriend is in bed with me and I still haven’t told him and probably won’t tell him so I came to Reddit to tell you guys because this was a truly wild fucking rollercoaster. Thank god I don’t have intestinal worms coming out of my ass.

TL;DR I had to pull undigested asparagus out of my ass and I can’t tell my boyfriend about it because I’m too embarrassed.