My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now (we've been officially together for 6)
And I hate coming over to his place.
The first time meeting his parents, his dad only said hello to me because his mom said he was being unwelcoming... that was the only thing they said to me that night 🫠
We had dinner together and they kept talking about their friends going on a vacation. "Do you stil talk to Hank and Gertrude" "No, I heard their oldest son moved out" bla bla bla
I'm neurodivergent but I honestly don't think that was the problem of me not being able to have a conversation with them...
I even asked something like "who is Hank?"
That was my way of trying to connect cause I really didn't know what to say.
I did make a joke about them serving me chicken and watermelon for dinner (I'm black) "Are we gonna have a basketball game afterwards"... They didn't get 🫠
I did try to make the most of it with the little social skills I have
Every time that I came there I did try, but I'm just awkward like that I guess 🤠
I wanted to give it time. They needed to get used to me too
But then my boyfriend told me that they didn't like me that much and thought I was weird and rude for not saying much... I got a bit defensive cause they didn't say anything to me either
One time we walked in. I exitedly said "hii!!" And his dad literally told me to shut up cause his show was on... mind you, this was maybe the third or fourth time I saw him
I found it kinda rude but tried to play it off with a joke, but after that I felt really uncomfortable at their house.
And when I get uncomfortable around people it gets really hard for me to speak in general.
The last time I spend the night at my boyfriends place was in December.
His parents got home from a tripp
And immediately fired a shit load off question at my boyfriend.
After they were done they immediately made a comment about him not asking about their trip?
THERE WAS NO SPACE TO EVEN ASK
I was so ready to ask them too but they kept talking and talking. "Did you do the laundry" "Did you vacuum" "The kitchen isn't clean" "Have you cleaned your room?"
And I was just sitting there.
Ready with my question.
Ready to ask them about their tripp
Or say "yeah how was it?" if my boyfriend asked them first. But nope they hit us (mostly him I was kind of invisible) with the "glad you aksed us about our trip") 😑
In the morning I was making breakfast and his mom walked past me a few times without saying anything.
She was busy and I didn't really think to say good morning. I just forgot and it also felt like I would be bothering her
When she went outside, my boyfriend said he felt like I was ignoring his parents
I really don't want to point fingers 👀 BUTTTTT
if I was ignoring his parents (which I felt like I wasn't) they were ignoring me too cause they didn't say anything to me either
I didn't say goodmorning too I know
My bad
But honestly I didn't really think it was that big if a deal
The mom sometimes askes me if I want something to drink but other then that i feel like I'm just a little ghost in their house haunting their son 👻 ....
To them at least (his brother is cool)
Especially to the dad.
The last time I saw him it was at a party he hosted.
I walked in with my boyfriend and he didn't even look at me. He said hi to his son but strictly looked at him and him only. Like I wasn't there... It felt so awkward saying hi cause I felt like I really needed to be waving a bright yellow flag with pink stipes to get his attention.
My boyfriend and I had a fight about it afterwards. He was hurt that I didn't show any exitment to be there. I was for him I just couldn't really communicate it or show it on my face cause I was having trying to not have a panic attack... this would be the first time seeing hos parents in months
My boyfriend then told me I wasn't welcome at their house... Well his parents feel uncomfortable when I'm around so they rather don't have me at the house...
The feeling is mutual, but I feel uncomfortable around them because I want it to work out but it's just to much pressure
It's not that I don't want to talk to them because they don't talk to me.
I wish I was more sociable and show them my goodside
I just really don't know what to say, and I think it's unfair for them to say I'm the "problem" if they haven't shown any interest in me from the start.
I'm 21 but they are the "adults" in this dynamic. (If that makes sense)
It has to come from both sides I know.
But I really don't think they are in the position to point fingers.
They are grown adults who don't have anything to proof.
My friend said maybe I could write them a letter explaining why it's hard for me to talk to them. I wanna do it for my boyfriend.
He said he would really appreciate it too.
But it actually makes me kinda sad to do so
I've been send from school to school, therapist to therapist. Cause no one understood me. I really don't like being in that world and I have finally surrounded myself with people who do understand, try to, and/or atleast don't judge me. It really hits old wounds that I don't feel like re-opening.
If they don't want to, so be it. 🤷🏾♀️
But they are still my boyfriends parents so what they think of me, to certain lengths does matter to me...
I honestly don't feel like they won't try to understand. Or make any steps to make things better.
It makes me really sad cause I love having good relationships with my friends parents.
Some I even call "mom or dad - last name of my friend". I always really valued that in my friendships and it really hurts not having that in my relationship
What do you guys think?
Should I write them the letter?
Even if it feels disrespectful to myself
Or give it time?
Just let it be?
Has someone experienced anything similar?
Maybe even from the parents perspective?
I'm usually pretty good to see the other side to a story, but this time I'm lost.
Also I know putting the blame on them is childish. I don't fully think they are at fault. It has to come from both sides
And I don't think that there is any bad blood. Atleast not with the mom.
Just felt lost on it
Tl;dr
My boyfriends parents are uncomfortable around me because I'm quite, but they dont/barely show any interest in me.
I'm uncomfortable around them because to me it's a lot of pressure (social anxiety + autism) and that causes me te be more quite