Vyvanse and OCD/drinking
Hi, I (20 F) started taking vyvanse when I was 18, it did miracles for me. I had a lot of trouble with disassociation after an incident with smoking weed in antidepressants at 16. Vyvanse brought me back, it felt like I had my personality while filtering out my racing thoughts, I could be clear and conscious and me. Then the shortage happened, I didn’t get my meds for months. I tried the brand version of vyvanse and it felt like such a big difference it felt like it made me anxious and stripped my personality.
I stopped taking vyavnse all together. In that time I had OCD symptoms pop up louder than ever and got diagnosed. I had a debilitating fear of going through what I went through at 16 again, and avoided medication or anything that could alter my chemistry or mood. I was terrified to be around smoke or anything I had bad contamination ocd. I started vyvanse again as I was able to access the generic out in Colorado except it was making my anxiety spike again, and my heart rate was spiking. I stopped vyvanse and started propranolol 5 mg twice daily, this helped. However I still missed the clarity vyvanse gave me.
I started again on vyvanse a year later, I take the vyvanse 20 mg with 5 mg of propranolol each morning. I have to record myself king it every morning. I worry one of the pills will be a counterfeit. When my pharmacy gives me a different brand of generic I get so stressed out as I may feel a difference. Does anyone else struggle with this?
I also used to enjoy drinking alcohol with friends and now I stress about it every single time. When I was 18 I would take my vyavnse in the morning and drink at night when it wore off. Now I’m too afraid to. I also worry about skipping days of vyvanse to drink. I worry it’s too much inconsistency and may push me. I have this ocd around developing psychosis, which I don’t think I ever have, and haven’t according to my therapist, but am terrified of. I don’t know does anyone drink on Vyvanse or take it on and off and ca offer any advice? I have gotten a lot better with my OCD but this whole alcohol worry really gets to me. I know I could just quit drinking but I rarely ever drink anyways and I’m about to turn 21 I don’t wanna sacrifice my social life and enjoyment to feel real and steady in these meds.