Am i overreacting? Or something is really up
I (F) started talking to a guy recently and we’ve been building some sort of relationship. I need outside opinions because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting due to past trauma or if my feelings are valid.
For context, I was cheated on before and it affected my attachment style a lot. This new guy is actually kind and consistent in some ways — he texts me every day, doesn’t ghost me for days randomly, and generally seems interested. He’s also been very clear from the beginning that he wants something serious, and he’s never been inappropriate or focused on anything sexual. That’s part of why I got attached and started trusting him.
The issue is that his texting style is very sparse. It’s usually only a few texts throughout the day. At first it triggered my anxiety badly, but over time I adjusted to his rhythm and started feeling more secure.
But then something happened twice now: last Sunday and this Sunday, he disappeared completely for more than 24 hours.
Last Sunday he later said he was at the hospital and sick, and I believed him because he had mentioned feeling unwell before disappearing. This Sunday though, he vanished again for over 24 hours without saying anything beforehand. I waited the whole day trying not to react emotionally, but eventually I texted him saying that if I can’t feel secure and reassured in this attachment, I can’t handle it long term, and that if he doesn’t know what he wants he should just tell me instead of acting distant like that.
He replied at 6 AM saying: “I’m at the hospital, thanks for your message.”
I explained myself afterward, but honestly I regretted it because instead of acknowledging that disappearing for over a day worried me, he immediately made me feel like I was wrong for sending the message.
So now I’m confused. Am I projecting my past trauma onto him and reacting too strongly? Or is disappearing for 24+ hours in the beginning stages of dating actually inconsiderate?
Please be honest but kind. I’m genuinely trying to separate anxiety from intuition.