u/Inside_Phase8146

I need to settle things. For the past 4 months I realized something, that I never wanted to accept. My closest friends, and my ONLY "friendgroup" are a bit fake. Now, to understand, I've been friends with them since a bigger friendgroup started, but I wasn't super close to the 4 of them much, until the group died out and only 4 of the remained, I'd hang out with them A BIT. Now a mutual friend joined them and they were 5 now. I don't hang out with them as much as they hang out with each other in the past but now I am really trying my best to get closer to all of them, I'd even step outside multiple comfort zones and push boundaries to bond better with them. However I just can't keep up, despite being able to talk to them, we don't have the sane interests, specifically video games. They play videogames that I don't understand. They just get each other better, and I can't help but feel I'm not in their friendgroup. My theory would progress even further seeing how they have a hidden voice channel that only 5 of them have access to, and when I asked to be in, the owner said "there's too much people". I am also always the one to send the reels first, reply them quickly, and reach out. They wouldn't care or @ me if I stop talking for weeks. Which I don't think is the case for them with each other. I am writing this today because I finally had my breaking point. Several times a person from the friend group would repost reels and exclude ME, the rest were mentioned. Another example is those reels that describe people, I am the biggest in the friendgroup. But More often times than I'd like, a "friend" reposts it and tags the second biggest guy. This Really makes me question where I stand among them. And to be honest, it's made me very very sad. Id constantly beat myself up about it. But I just can't help but feel I'm hanging by a thread to this "friendship". It may also be important to note, I'm not as social as all of them, so I seldom voice call if they don't use the hidden one anyways. I'd also seldom join meet ups, because I somewhat have social anxiety about going out. I need advice, is it my fault? Should I keep trying? I don't know what to do.