So I 27 female, have 3 kids with my husband, 29 male. We've been together for 6-7 years now. We at one point lived with my parents and after we had our first, they never showed much effort to spend time with my kids. We had told them our boundaries. For example, no smoking right next to our kids - Ignored, no putting on the floor because of dirt, dog hair, dog period blood sometimes on the ground, & whatever else was there - Ignored, no kissing their faces or heads - Ignored. Not only were those all ignored.
They didn't like my husband because he would stand up for me to them on how they treated me which was they walked all over me when they could, guilt tripped me, etc. He started to show me I didn't have to be treated that way so I stopped doing things for my family and they started seeing him as a problem. They didn't come spend time with my kids because of their dislike/hate for their father.
Now that we've been in our own house for a while I haven't allowed my family to come inside my house nor have I taken my kids to do anything with my family besides my sister who seems to understand how I feel. I've taken them to Christmas a few times but no where did they ask where my husband was/how he was and again boundaries were ignored. Being around my mother especially gives me overwhelming anxiety any time I think I'm gonna run into her because of the hold she had over me growing up and as an adult.
I've decided that I'm not taking them anymore and I'm expecting backlash but I want to stand firm on it because why should I bring my kids to somewhere where their father isn't welcome and how they have treated me and my kids differently just because I am with him. Furthermore, my stepfather who had been basically my dad since I was a kid told my husband that our first wasn't his grandchild in front of me in a heated argument they were having about them and how they treated me and us. Of course I started crying and I left with my husband. My mother tried to stop me but I still left.
After my mother tried texting me long paragraphs and tried to make what he said okay. Basically putting the blame on us for not allowing them to be grandparents, but we only expressed our rules for our kids and never once said they couldn't be involved. After a week, my mother pulled me aside to talk to me and still further tried to make what my stepdad said not a big deal. Saying how he didn't mean it. But no where have I EVER got an actual apology for it. Nobody from my side has even asked about my children or asked to see them.
Since I have had the space from all of them I have been so much more happy and less stressed. So, AITA for not allowing them to see my children at all at this point?