I haven't done one of these posts in a while, but was feeling called to share today. I see so many people struggling with their thoughts, emotions, past/current actions, and especially that all to common experience of using to end feeling uncomfortable. SR is a great tool to quit your DOC, but we also need to take time to learn new ways of coping, to add new tools to our tool box so we can be better prepared to deal with challenging moments and triggers as they arise. This passage comes from Kevin Griffin's One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps. I know it's a long one, but I really felt the whole thing needed to be shared! Learning mindfulness, choosing to sit in awareness rather than running away from those uncomfortable moments can be quite challenging for anyone, but it can be such a healing and helpful learning experience for people struggling with or recovering from addiction because it helps us unlearn the pattern of habitually reactivity to things in our life, our mind, or our environment.

Patience, One Breath at a Time

"Alcoholics want it now--whatever it is: thrills, satisfaction, pleasure, the end of unpleasantness. This demand for instant gratification, this driving impatience is one of the marks of the addict/alcoholic, and unlearning that habitual craving is one of the toughest jobs of sobriety. One of the ways we do it is by counting the days, rewarding ourselves as we go along for our continuity, for our longevity. Meditation formalizes this practice of patience, one breath at a time.

In meditation you learn to be nonreactive. There's a though, you let it pass without jumping on board; there's an itch, you let it be without moving; there's a sound, you notice it and come back to the breath; there's an emotion, you just feel it fully without turning it into a story. Learning this nonreactivity in meditation practice gives a formal structure to the nonreactivity you have to learn in order to stay sober: I have the urge to drink, I go to a support group instead or make a phone call; I want to quit my job this minute, I wait and try to stick it out until the end of the day; I want to leave my wife, I remind myself that I spent twenty years trying to find a partner so maybe I can live through a bad day or two.

In Buddhism, this nonreactivity is called mindfulness: the first step in Buddhist meditation. This simple--not easy--practice helps you to see the difference between what is actually happening and what the mind is making up. Mindfulness means trying to keep the mind focused on what you are experiencing in the present moment without commentary, analysis, or judgement; without reference to past experiences or plans for the future; without expectations or fear. Typically you try to follow the breath in this way, but mindfulness can be applied to anything: sensations in the body, sounds, emotions, even thoughts. Finding the clarity of mindfulness, letting go of all the distractions that carry us away from the present moment, only happens with time commitment, and a surrender to the process.

The beginning of this process can be as scary as beginning the Twelve Steps, as we start to see that we can't control our own minds. When people sit down to meditate for the first time they often say, "I'm no good at this. You tell me to follow my breath but I can't shut off my thoughts long enough to do that." The typical alcoholic or addict may find this phase even more difficult than the ordinary person because impatience, self-criticism, and perfectionism are such common traits for us.

Ultimately, though, meditation isn't some contest to see who can stop thought. Thought happens. What we learn in meditation isn't so much to stop thoughts, but to change our relationship to them. We learn to be less reactive, less ruled by our thoughts, and to see that they aren't all true. "You don't have to believe your thoughts," one of my teachers says. What a revelation! When I see my thoughts more clearly, I'm able to make choices to act or not act based on what I see; I can exercise Right Intention to steer my life in the direction I want to go.

Sometimes thoughts and emotions seem overwhelming, even in the context of mindfulness. At these times you might fall back on compassion--not pity-- for yourself, for the great task you are attempting: facing down the demons of the heart and mind. Perhaps then you can begin to forgive yourself and your failures." (p. 21-22)

The Demand for Instant Relief

For many of us, "now" was the only speed we knew, or know. We wanted the thrill now, the pleasure now, and—most importantly—the end of unpleasantness right now. This demand for instant relief is a hallmark of the addictive mind. When things get uncomfortable, our habit is to jump on board with the first thought or impulse that promises an escape.

Kevin Griffin suggests that meditation is the formal structure for unlearning that habit. When we sit, we practice noticing an itch without scratching it, or an emotion without turning it into a dramatic story. We are building the "nonreactivity muscle".

This isn't just about what happens on a meditation cushion; it’s about what happens when the urge to react hits in real life. By learning that we don't have to believe every thought we have, we gain the freedom to choose our actions rather than being ruled by our impulses.

Reflection Questions for the Community

Inner Work / Root Exploration

• The "Right Now" Impulse: Where in your life today are you feeling an urgent demand for "instant relief" or "the end of unpleasantness"?
• The Observer: Can you identify a thought or an emotion you’ve had today that you don't actually have to believe or act upon? What changes when you label it as "just a thought" rather than "the truth"?

Action / Self-Care

• The Training Ground: If you view meditation (or even just a few conscious breaths) as "practicing for the hard moments," how does that change your willingness to sit with discomfort today?
• Choosing the Next Move: Describe a recent time you felt a strong urge to react to a stressor but chose to wait instead. What did you learn in that "space" between the feeling and the action?

I encourage you to spend some time in reflection, or journal, about today's topic! If you feel comfortable, please comment below with your answers to the reflection questions or any other thoughts that this brought up for you, so that we can all grow and learn from witnessing one another's process.