u/Intelligent-Ad7639

I feel like I wanna cry reading this

It’s hard to accept the truth
or even consider it sometimes :(

( choose what you lose )

I guess I will choose what I’m willing to fight for instead

I used to think that if I ever gave up, that would be my biggest failure, my greatest disaster and downfall.
Despite all my problems and flaws, I am a self-made woman who never surrenders. I saw this as the best quality in me.
I’m not perfect, and I have many faults, but because I don’t give up and keep moving forward, I believed I would eventually make it.
I had no advantages in life none at all. Not in my family, not financially, not mentally or physically.
And I’m the kind of person who prefers to learn things on her own, rather than have someone dictate things to me or settle for what others say about it.
So as long as I keep progressing, even if it’s slow, I will get there .

Then life made it its mission to stand in my way and destroy me in every way imaginable.
I was high up, on a peak, everything in my life was improving and going exactly as I wanted.
Then, in a very short time, I lost everything. Literally everything.
Everything I had worked for my whole life gone. Every relationship I built lost.
I watched my entire life fall apart before my eyes, and on top of all that, no one stood by me. Everyone abandoned me.
And the people dearest to my heart all passed away in a short span of time.
You couldn’t make this up.

Yet despite all of this, I tried to hold on. I carried on, day after day.
Until I withered, completely shattered, and sank into very dark spirals.
Finally, after all paths before me were cut off, after losing my self confidence and hope in life,
I decided to give up .
It was the most terrifying decision of my life. I never imagined a day would come when I would take this decision . But I had grown completely numb. I couldn’t feel anything anymore.
Life had no color. There were no emotions left inside me.
No future to look forward to, no hope in this miserable existence.
I reached a point where I just wanted to end it all, just to find peace.

And only then , hope was born from the heart of suffering.
In a way I never could have imagined, nor even believed was real.
That was the best decision I ever made in my life.
I would never wish for anyone to go through such a terrifying experience.
But the very thing I feared most in my life turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Because when given up ,
I didn’t just let go of myself.
I let go of everything.
I let go of my illusions and my acting.
I let go of all the false beliefs I used to hold.
I let go of the chains and shackles I had unknowingly placed on myself.
I let go of the fears that surrounded and restrained me.
In a way, I feel like I truly died, and was born again.
Completely different, and so much better. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would reach this place, or that it could come out of such painful, dark events and decisions as the ones I went through.

I hope these words reach someone who needs them.
It may look very dark right now. It may seem like there’s no hope in anything.
It may seem like everything you worked for was pointless, wasted, and for nothing.
I’m not trying to sell you a false hope .
But in the worst of circumstances, you must admit that you do not know what the future holds for you.
And what you think will be the tragedy of your life might turn into something beautiful you never imagined could happen.
I know our lives are different, and our circumstances are not the same.
I only hope you hold on tight

You just never know.

I never knew how much I needed it
until I got it, even for a little while
Only when it came to me did I realize how thirsty I had been for it.

I've been lonely my whole life
Yes, I've had relationships, Yes I had three friends
I have my family and lots of siblings
I was around people but I was still alone
I never felt I belonged
Of course, I didn't know that at the time
But honestly, my best most peaceful times were when I was by myself
That doesn't include my best friend, sadly he passed away
Ever since I was about six, I was always scared that people would see the real me
So I kept hiding, wearing a mask, pretending to fit in
I thought it was just a phase that it would pass and I'd become "normal" the way everyone expected
But I have never in my life tasted what a safe environment feels like
Or what it's like to be accepted or embraced as I am without being judged or labeled
I didn't know how much I needed that
I thought that since I enjoy my alone time (and trust me, I really do I never feel empty or bored being alone)
I assumed I didn't need anyone. Ever
And that I could live like that forever
Then I met this person
We connected so fast. Suddenly, I had that safe space . I hope I was the same for her
It felt so, so beautiful and peaceful
A huge, heavy weight on my shoulders one I never even knew was there, was lifted
All my fears, every boundary I built to survive, every alarm I set, they all disappeared
Because of all this, I started to change in ways I never thought were possible or even existed in me
Only then did I understand what I had been missing in my life and what horizons I could dream of
And that there is more to life that I never knew or realized.

Sadly, life has never been merciful to her ,Day by day, it keeps breaking her, Life is never fair to her
And for her own personal reasons, she walked away

And yeah
That’s When your favorite person turns out to be a life lesson (((

lately I’m posting more and doing things I’m not used to do or feel comfortable doing usually
and when I search deep down in me
I feel like I’m doing it because I’m running away from a feeling
for a second I will face it just to prove I’m in control but must of the time I’m running from it
I know it’s not the best way to handle my feelings
but still I have anxiety so that will F me up even with normal thoughts or situations
and I just started to feel better a bit
I don’t want to be dragged into the dark hole I was in before

who would you act?

knowing though I’m not planning to do that for a long time I’m just trying to cope and survive

There is a level of emotional intelligence that changes everything
it’s the ability of discernment
and it’s used in this way, while you may still be able to read people deeply to understand why they act the way they do and to see the story behind their behavior
you understand that your empathy cannot come at the cost of your self respect
just because you can explain it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate it
real emotional intelligence doesn’t mean excusing others who are hurting you
it means holding two truths at once , you can see someone humanity and feel deeply for them and still choose yourself
you can recognize their pain without making it your responsibility to carry
empathy without boundaries isn't emotional intelligence and it isn’t love
It's self abandonment

If that makes any sense
很累了😮‍💨

وجبت العيد 🌚
الخطه كان اللون يكون ابيض رمادي 🩶
خبصت ومدري كيف انتهى الوضع باللون هذا

Better luck next time I guess-_-

عطوني ارائكم
مع العلم ان هذا مو رأيي الشخصي

(لا يمكن لإنسان أن يلتقي بك في عمق لم يزره داخل نفسه.. لأن كل مايقدمه لك هو انعكاس لما وعاه في داخله)

وهذا حرفياً يفسر كل مشاكل العلاقات في الحياة...
يعني..
كل إنسان منا عنده سقف داخلي شعوري وصل له، السقف هذا يتكون من
تجاربه، وعيه، مواجهته لمشاعره، عمق فهمه وإدراكه.
السقف هذا هو أقصى نقطة يقدر فيها الإنسان إنه يحب، يحتوي ويفهم
الاخرين.
وهنا يصير الاختلاف..
بين شخص سقفه عالي.. وشخص سقفه منخفض.
أنت تحاول فيه بس ما يقدر يقابلك في مستوى أعمق... لأنه ما وصل له
داخل نفسه أصلاً!
ومو كل إدراك شعوري يجي من نفس التجربة، الإنسان اللي عنده وعي شعوري عالي مو لازم يعيش مآساتك عشان يحس فيك! يكفي إنه وصل
لمرحلة يفهم فيها الألم والخوف كفكرة.
بينما من لم يع الشعور ما يقدر يقدمه سواء فقده أو ما قد جربه أصلاً
(الوعي والإدراك هو الأساس)
عشان كذا نشوف كثير فقدوا أشياء بطفولتهم لكن منحوها وببذخ
لعيالهم لأنهم مدركين لشعورها..
بالمقابل كثير فقدوا أشياء بطفولتهم لكن فعلاً ما عطوها والسبب إنهم ما آدركوها شعوريا..

Night night 🌙

(لا يمكن لإنسان أن يلتقي بك في عمق لم يزره داخل نفسه..
لأن كل ما يقدمه لك هو انعكاس لما وعاه في داخله)

وهذا حرفياً يفسر كل مشاكل العلاقات في الحياة...
يعني..
كل إنسان منا عنده سقف داخلي شعوري وصل له، السقف هذا يتكون من
تجاربه، وعيه، مواجهته لمشاعره، عمق فهمه وإدراكه.
السقف هذا هو أقصى نقطة يقدر فيها الإنسان إنه يحب، يحتوي ويفهم الاخرين.
وهنا يصير الاختلاف..
بين شخص سقفه عالي.. وشخص سقفه منخفض.
أنت تحاول فيه بس ما يقدر يقابلك في مستوى أعمق... لأنه ما وصل له
داخل نفسه أصلاً!
ومو كل إدراك شعوري يجي من نفس التجربة، الإنسان اللي عنده وعي شعوري عالي مو لازم يعيش مآساتك عشان يحس فيك! يكفي إنه وصل
لمرحلة يفهم فيها الألم والخوف كفكرة.
بينما من لم يع الشعور ما يقدر يقدمه سواء فقده أو ما قد جربه أصلاً
(الوعي والإدراك هو الأساس)
عشان كذا نشوف كثير فقدوا أشياء بطفولتهم لكن منحوها وببذخ
لعيالهم لأنهم مدركين لشعورها..
بالمقابل كثير فقدوا أشياء بطفولتهم لكن فعلاً ما عطوها والسبب إنهم
ما آدركوها شعوريا..

( ماتقدري تساعدي احد ما يبي يساعد نفسه )

مهما حاولتي ، مهما دعمتي ، مهما شرحتي وساندتي

انتي قاعده تحاولين بالشكل الخطاء اصلن
المفروض تحاولي تخليه بيقرر يساعد نفسه
وهذي عادتاً ماراح تجي إلا من صميم الشخص نفسه
ماتقدري تفرضي او تأثري ع القرار هذا

فا مهما صبرتي او سويتي بتضيعي وقتك بس
وانا هبلا وحاولت كثير مع اكثر من شخص 🌚
It will never work
والأصعب من هذا انك رغم مشاعر الحب اللي بداخلك ان تتخذي القرار الصحيح وتبعدي 🥲

اتمنى ماتنحطو بالوضع هذا لكن هذي الحياه
وبيجي يوم تعزي او تحبي شخص وتتمني تساعديه

But it’s meaningless if they didn’t decide that by themselves