u/Intelligent_Army_909

For example, how would a SX4 disintegrating into an E2 look like? Would they exhibit the traits of SX2, the same subtype as their dominant instinct, or would they resemble traits of an SP2 or SO2? How would they feel in the long run, considering they would have to sacrifice a core part of their identity in order to chase after people for validation?

This is just an example, obviously. I would like to know if any of you have disintegrated into another type yourself, and how it felt and how you dealt with completely changing your natural behaviour.

I recently made a purchase for a creator's subscription, and immediately had my account flagged and deactivated for "suspicious activity"??

Will I get my account back, or will I be able to refund the subscription? What should I do now? I sent a ticket to patreon support, but received no response.

How long will it take to get my account back, and will I even get it back? Are there any other steps I should take?? Or should I just wait now?

How would mental disorders affect enneagram types? Would they alter a person's type entirely, or would it morph them into such an unhealthy version of themself that it becomes impossible to distinguish their real type?

While there are a variety of mental disorders, the ones I'm most curious about are OCD, BPD and depression. What would an unhealthy, deeply depressed E4 or E5 look like? Or an E7, E8 with BPD? Would there be a difference in the usual traits they showcase, or would they disintegrate into another type entirely?

If so, how can you properly and accurately distinguish someone's true type if they exhibit strong signs of mental disorders?

I have been stuck in a loop between these two specific types for the entirety of my enneagram journey. I first typed as a SX4, and have for the recent past, until now - where I am torn between SX5 and SX4. What I do know for sure is I am an introverted type, presumably leaning towards intuitive, and most definitely a sexual dominant.

I feel I may be too less "edgy" to be a SX4, as I do not seek attention or externalise my suffering as much as a typical SX4 would, though I do express dissatisfaction and hate almost every single day no matter what I do. I do heavily relate to the core fear of not being special/being without a unique identity and I absolutely place emphasis on my uniqueness above all.

I also have an immensely strong idealization of my own suffering and I tend to wallow in negative emotions a lot more than E9s or perhaps E5s would. Sometimes it feels like I go out of my way to feel envious and jealous of others, which in turn translates into a deep, internalized hatred and disgust that just boils and boils because I usually don't express it outwardly, though I do deeply feel it internally.

I feel like being an outsider, or lacking something that everyone else has, is a gigantic part of my identity and is precisely what I feel gives me value: my suffering and envy, which curdles into internalized anger and hatred. In this regard, I feel like the SX4 describes me the best.

However, I also have an immense idealization of relationships, and so far, I have not been able to attain an all-consuming connection where I can truly lay myself bare and receive the same from the other, which leads me to hate living all together as I feel living is worthless if I do not have a completely special, obsessive love beside me. I feel numb all the time and I get absolutely no satisfaction from anything besides daydreaming about an idealized relationship and praying for it to manifest.

But I also have this weird push-pull relationship with love where I go from craving it more than being alive and absolutely hating it and being disgusted by it whenever I see other people engaging in it. In this regard, I feel like an SX5. However, I don't believe I relate more to the core of E5 (hoarding information, being competent, etc) than I do to that of E4, mainly SX4.

Another thing to add is that in public, I drastically avoid attention and usually get panic attacks whenever I'm forced to talk and interact with people, hence I behave like a very typical conflict-avoidant E9 in public. However, when I'm in public with a sexual partner or when I'm alone with a sexual partner, my personality does a complete 180: to describe it best, I feel like I become an extremely lively and extroverted mix between SX2, SX3 and SX4. And in some relationships, I may sometimes subconsciously pick up on the things my partner may like and thus adopt them into my identity, much like a SX3.

I also become extremely seductive and cheerful like a SX2, while also being overly competitive and aggressive like a SX4, in which case, this scenario makes me behave like a true "stereotypical" SX4, who is rambunctious and high-energy.

The last thing I have to add is that I have absolutely no interest in being alive. I do not want a career, financial stability, reputation, social prestige, etc, etc. all I want is a partner who will lay their soul bare to me and finally "fix" the inadequacy I constantly feel. Honestly, I feel like a walking zombie. Nothing in life gives me satisfaction anymore. I wholeheartedly believe nothing in this world has the power to make me feel happiness or make me feel alive again besides one singular individual who loves me more than anything else, someone who gives me a connection so deep that being in it feels like drowning.

Someone just as special and unique as me, just as much of an exciting challenge as they are a lover. My entire day is spent thinking about a sexual conquest or relationship, and honestly, I need it more than money. My entire life has always revolved around intimate relationships and a uniquely strange yet beautiful person wit whom I can share my all.

Any inputs would be appreciated, and I feel it would be appropriate to add the fact that I do have some clinically diagnosed mental disorders (BPD, OCD, depression), if they happen to affect my enneagram type.

This is my typology as of now, in case it helps: INFP IF(N) 4w5 458 sx/so RLUEI IEI EVLF Melancholic-choleric.

I have always had a disconnect from my parents and my extended family for some reason and I can't really understand why? It doesn't end at just family though, it feels like even normal friendships are exhausting because they don't give me what I want at all. I want an all-consuming connection with one person whom I can reveal the entirety of myself and my thoughts to, not surface level chitchat with family or spending time idling away with my parents.

Though I'm extremely close to my parents, I don't really feel any sort of connection towards them and I would much rather prefer to spend my time alone than idling with them. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I would be better off without them because I don't want to disappoint them by not spending time with them. That's not to say my parents aren't good, they're quite loving, but they don't understand me at all, not in the slightest. They've also said I'm quite cold and brash in comparison to my cousins, who are much more unreserved and social.

I was wondering if this is a common theme or if there's just something wrong with me

I was abused as a child and I feel that may have impacted my enneagram a bit. Surprisingly, my trauma made my journey of typing myself a little easier because of the way I behaved. Despite my less than savoury childhood, I feel that it has not impacted me that much at all now, as if I have completely detached myself from that aspect of my life and hasn't impacted my life as much as I think it should. My outlook on life and love is much the same, the only difference being that I tend to lean into my 8 fix a lot more. I have become very, very independent and completely isolated myself from friends, family and people in general, much to an unhealthy degree.

I still deeply long and crave for an all-consuming emotional connection as I feel that is the only thing in this world that will "fix" me. But at the same time, I feel compelled to reject it and feel disgusted by it. Seeing others in love just makes me resent love even more. And whenever I do find love, no matter what happens, I must always be the one in control, otherwise I spiral and always end up cutting the relationship off whenever I feel that I am "inferior" or no longer have control, and I fiercely compete for it and if I cannot, I leave. It is **NOT** pleasant living like this and I'm wondering how trauma can affect other types and how one can overcome it. Any advice is appreciated, thanks in advance.

Not only do they know this is a j*x hate sub, but they still come here and preach about his redemption as if the world will end if people don't him, it's so funny to watch them delete their posts when they start getting downvoted for it. Like this is a hate sub, wtf do you expect 💀💀