I'm thinking that I might need to do this as well as go on a official medical leave from my college to get my meds in order. I thought I was fine but it just turns out I dont know whether my base level is high or up.
I genuinely do not know what baseline is. i was hypomanic and i thought i was fine. then i was depressed and thought i was fine. at least in mania i have a vague awareness that im not fine, and i cant stop it. because the awareness is...very very vague.
im 19, i did early college. technically im only done with a year and a half left with my creative writing degree. I was put on lamictal, I liked it..but turns out i just had a hypomanic episodes. I cleaned by whole house obsessively, i was picture perfect for like a week.
now im thinking because of other factors regarding my executive dysfunction I might have adhd. and if i have adhd i think i might need an antipsychotic because of how adhd meds can be stimulating..and i have not had good experiences with antipsychotics at all.
but im too depressed to make my schedule for next semester. im too depressed really to leave my room. like i just have that low level depression where i can pretty much be 'fine' if i just lock myself in my room the whole time and isolate myself.
I just feel like a failure if i cant go back to school in the fall. not to mention my parents will call me lazy, family (who if they knew i had this diagnosis would talk about me) keep prodding me about school.
my own psychiatrist keeps asking me about school and i told him I took this semester off when we met! at our second meeting together he got up to shake my hand like we had never met before when i met him 2 weeks before that meeting.