I need honest opinions because this situation blew up way more than I expected. A while ago, I started talking to this guy (let’s call him Contrell), and I genuinely caught real feelings for him. He’s the first guy I’ve connected with since my ex, and before him I had basically given up on love. I’m also someone who’s a bit complicated and pretty selective with who I connect with—I don’t easily get along with just anyone or form deep bonds unless there’s a very specific kind of compatibility. Because of that, it’s rare for me to meet someone I truly click with. Contrell ended up being that person. He loves me more than anyone ever has, treats me amazing, would do literally anything for me, and honestly does everything for me. He makes me really happy in a way I haven’t felt before.
I kept him to myself at first because I don’t like people in my business, especially when it comes to relationships. But after about a month of things going really well, I told my best friend (Anastasia). That’s when she told me that a few months before me, she and Contrell had a “thing.” According to her, it was just a talking stage that lasted about a month, they hooked up twice, and that was it. She made it VERY clear multiple times that she didn’t take him seriously, wasn’t attached to him, and was talking to other guys at the same time. She even said he used to get jealous when she talked to other guys, which she thought was weird because “they weren’t even together.”
Also, based on her actions, I didn’t think she was that attached to him. She’s the type to say you should only truly love one person at a time, but I’ve literally seen her try to get back with her ex while she had a whole boyfriend—and then cry over that boyfriend after they broke up. So in my mind, if she could act like that in a relationship she claimed to care about, it made me think she probably didn’t care that deeply about a short, non-serious fling from months ago.
However, despite saying all of that, she still told me that if I continued talking to him, she’d be uncomfortable to the point of ending our friendship. So she basically made it a “him or me” situation.
I felt completely stuck. I even went to Contrell and told him I might have to end things, but the more we talked, the more I realized I didn’t want to lose him. At the same time, I didn’t want to lose Anastasia either. So I made the decision (which I KNOW was wrong) to keep talking to him behind her back. My reasoning at the time was that since she made it clear their situation wasn’t serious and she wasn’t attached, she would eventually get over it.
Another big factor in my decision—and I want to be clear this wasn’t me being male-centered or a “pick me”—was honestly evaluating what each relationship brought into my life. As much as I love Anastasia, I’ve always felt like I give way more than I receive. I’ve been the “therapist friend” for years, always there for her problems, always supporting her, but rarely feeling like that same energy was returned. Being her best friend could be draining at times, even though I never regretted being there for her. With Contrell, it’s the first time I’ve felt like someone genuinely has my back, understands me, and pours into me instead of it always being one-sided. Being with him feels fulfilling in a way that the friendship never really did.
Fast forward to now, me and Contrell have actually been officially dating for three months, and he genuinely makes me the happiest girl in the world. He’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, and everything between us has only gotten stronger.
After a while, I couldn’t deal with the guilt anymore and told Anastasia the truth. I told her I understood if she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. She completely crashed out—which I expected to an extent—but it went way further than I think was justified. She called me a two-faced liar, said a lot of hurtful things, and then crossed a huge line by calling my mom (who is very religious) and telling her personal things about my past, including sexual situations that had absolutely NOTHING to do with this. My mom didn’t even know about that part of my life, so this caused serious issues for me at home.
It didn’t stop there. She also told one of Contrell’s friends about a situation from my past—something that happened way before I even knew Contrell—but she twisted the timeline to make it sound recent, trying to imply that I had cheated on him when that never happened. On top of that, she’s now trying to turn our entire friend group against me by telling people I’m “fucking her ex,” which isn’t even accurate. They never dated—he’s just someone she briefly talked to and had on her roster at one point.
Meanwhile, I had already developed real feelings for Contrell months before I even knew they had any history. I didn’t knowingly go after someone she was serious about.
She also keeps saying I’m not seeing things from her perspective, but I genuinely have tried to. And if I’m being honest, if I had a short, non-serious talking stage with someone while also entertaining other people, and my best friend ended up genuinely happy and in love with that person, I don’t think I would expect her to cut him off or choose me over that.
So yes, I fully admit I was wrong for hiding it and not being upfront. But I also feel like she’s painting me as a terrible person when the situation isn’t that black and white, and her reaction has gone way beyond just being hurt.
AITA for continuing the relationship and not cutting him off just because of Anastasia, even though it turned into something real and genuinely good for me?