Hey everyone, this is just sort of a rant. So please be kind, im in no way trying to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything, just voicing my true feelings.
Im 19F, severally depressed, have no friends, cant find a job (never worked before and keep getting rejections or no response, i know this is the normal job market nowadays) .Been isolated in the house for months now. Every time I try to go out, I get emotional and extremely sad because im all alone so i end up feeling worse. I've tried counselling in the past, it didnt help. Dont have the finances to do therapy. Struggled to make friends throughout highschool. Last year was probably the worst year of my life because I had no one in an environment were everyone had friends except me for an entire year and it severely worsened my mental health. Only moved to NZ 2 years ago hence why HS was a struggle. Couldn't financially afford to start my studies in sem 1 this year because my parents had just paid for residency the same month b4 uni was starting. I genuinely dont know what to do. I feel like Im going insane with constantly being at home doing nothing. Its like my head cant take the silence and sadness anymore. I cant help but feel like im being punished because my life has always never been the brightest but every year that goes by things just get worse and worse. I spend my days crying or sleeping to try and avoid dealing with the feeling of nothingness. Ive seen people say that a GP or a doctor helped them but moneys tight and i know my parents cant afford it ontop of everything else at the moment. I have tried keeping busy with hobbies but eventually those have got boring. Everyday its the same thing of staring into space and wishing my life was better.