u/Intelligent_Owl_2792

I'm in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, and we're pretty serious about each other. We've even talked about marriage, so I wanted to get the "kids" conversation out of the way early because I know it's a dealbreaker for a lot of people.

The thing is, I have never wanted children. It's not a phase or something I'm unsure about. I just don't see myself becoming a parent, and I'm very happy with the idea of a child-free life.

When we first talked about it, he admitted that he did want kids. We had a lot of discussions (and honestly, a lot of arguments) about it. I told him very clearly that if he wants children and I don't, then we're fundamentally incompatible, and as painful as it would be, we'd have to go our separate ways.

His response was that "that's not how love works." He said he loves me more than he wants kids and that he can't imagine leaving me over this. He also said I should have a "good enough reason" for not wanting kids. I explained my reasons, but I also told him I don't think anyone needs to justify not wanting children. "I don't want them" should be enough.

His reason for wanting kids is that he sees them as a living proof of love—a family created out of love. He believes children should be born because two people love each other, and that's a beautiful thing to him. I understand where he's coming from, but it doesn't change how I feel.

Here's what's bothering me now: even after we've supposedly agreed to be child-free, he keeps bringing up hypothetical children.

He'll randomly say things like:

• "If I ever had a kid, I'd teach them this..."
• "If we had a kid, what do you think they'd be like?"
• "Hypothetically, if we had a child..."

Whenever I point out that we're not having kids, he says he's "just speaking hypothetically."

But I don't even enjoy those hypotheticals because they're about a future I don't want. More importantly, it makes me wonder if he's actually okay with being child-free or if he's just hoping I'll eventually change my mind.

Another thing that frustrates me is that whenever I try to explain why this worries me, he always has a counterargument. By the end of the conversation, I somehow feel like I'm the unreasonable one, even though this was supposed to be a settled issue.

So I'm wondering:

• Has anyone here been in a relationship where one person gave up wanting kids?
• Did it actually work out long-term, or did resentment eventually build up?
• Am I overthinking the hypothetical kid conversations, or are they a sign that he hasn't really accepted a child-free future?

I'd especially like to hear from people who have been through something similar.