r/DINK

28F here — do not want kids, will never want kids. Recently had a random wave of desire for kids that passed completely and am now 100% sure a child would ruin my life. Want my family to get off my back about marriage/kids, thus looking for a more “secretive” DINK relationship (at least just for a couple of years). Goal is retirement by 40 years old. HMU if your goal is also full financial independence or if you know where I can find a DINK relationship.

I have worked in my field for a long time already, thus the reason I do not want kids. Will not tolerate physical abuse or being controlled in my own home. Long-term oriented individual preferred, preferably another “youngest sibling”

Exactly what is mentioned above. I do not want kids, nor will ever want kids. This is a fact I have known about myself since I was a young girl. I am simply looking for a quick route to retirement & out of an incredibly toxic work environment. 28F, finishing higher education, trying my hardest to protect myself from the Nationalists who expect me to fall in line with societal/cultural norms. I have a cover for myself if people ask me about marriage/kids in the future.

MUST be a secret and would be a 100% platonic roommate agreement, ideally with another high earner who has a professional identity to protect or someone who understands what it is like to live with a private individual. Would also consider an arrangement with an older gentleman with a private personal life. Or could consider an arrangement with a stable couple who is looking to save money on rent. Can be a short term or long term arrangement, depending on what both parties see fit.

If this goes outside of the bounds of a financial arrangement, the arrangement will be terminated. DM me if interested. If the arrangement becomes overly controlling and/or conflict heavy from either party, the arrangement will be terminated.

Edit: title says “relationship” but this would strictly be a financial/business roommate arrangement

Hey there! Just wondering if queer childless relationships are generally accepted within the DINK community?

I’m making this post because I often see people on here asking what the DINK life is really like long-term, and whether there are any regrets. Everyone's mileage may vary, but I wanted to share my perspective from our experience.

I am 43 and my wife is 41. For as long as I can literally remember, I have known that I didn't want kids. I don't know what it was, but the idea was not only unenticing, it actually felt revolting to me, even at an early age. Because of this, I was always upfront when dating and let women know early on that kids were not in the cards for me. When I told my wife this on our fifth date, she just said, "Cool. I’m pretty sure I don't want kids anyway, being pregnant and breastfeeding scares the heck out of me." As things got more serious, she saw my conviction and realized she was steadfast in that choice, too. We have now been together for almost 17 years, married for 13, and we wouldn't change a thing for the world.

Both of our families have been incredibly supportive of our decision, and there has been close to zero guilt tripped our way. We both live incredibly fulfilling lives and have been able to maintain most of our relationships with friends who do have children.

The big caveat there is that we live in the city, as do most of our friends who went on to have kids. I feel there is a massive difference in how parents live their lives when they choose to stay in an urban area versus moving away. When people move to the suburbs, it seems like everything about them changes, and their entire world becomes strictly about their kids and family time.

By staying in the city, it has been really neat to remain active in our friends' lives, help them out as parents, and see their kids grow up as part of our community. And, of course, it’s always great to be able to hand the kids back over when they inevitably get annoying! It has also been awesome watching our nieces grow up and being able to be the best aunt and uncle possible.

Without children, we have cultivated an incredible marriage and built a deeply meaningful life together. We get to travel the world, excel in our careers (which will allow us to retire very early in the not-so-distant future), and my wife has had the time and freedom to start her own side business. We also get to be great dog parents, volunteer our time, donate to causes we care about, and relentlessly pursue our passions. It is all very fulfilling.

Every single day, I grow more steadfast in our decision. I wouldn't change it for anything.

My husband (38y) and I (37y) have gone back and forth on the kids situation. He was a firm no, whereas I was always undecided. We spent years discussing it, with me caving into the idea of really wanting to try. He opened up to the idea and I felt a “purpose” in trying.

So we tried last year, and I had two pregnancy losses: one was ectopic, one was a missed miscarriage. Fucking the most horrible things I’ve been through mentally. Both pregnancies ended in surgeries. A story for another time.

Now in 2026, we’re like…let’s revisit this. He’s come out of the two losses just as he originally was: a no, but he’s willing to jump the fence for me if I really wanted it. He did say when I was pregnant that he felt a mix of excitement and dread. But overall, he says trying again would bring a sense of dread.

I obviously don’t want that for him, and since I’ve been on the fence, I can easily and happily commit to the childfree side. It’s what we had always wanted before I decided to throw a wrench into our plans. I had begun to want a child for several reasons, but one of the things that I want to call out here is when I was pregnant both times, there was this anticipation that scratched my neurodivergent brain. I could always have a “project,” have built-in life milestones to look forward to, be busy all the time raising a kid. I know that sounds horrible, having a kid just because you’re bored. but that need for stimulation and the cult of motherhood I was slowly buying into made me feel like I was about to belong to this club. barf I know.

My husband and I are now coming to terms with the fact that we will probably choose childfree living. It’s just hard for me having LITERALLY gone through the process of pregnancy and that anticipation, to now a life where we can have that freedom to do whatever we want. But it’s like my brain doesn’t know what to do with that freedom, and it feels overwhelming.

We both also don’t like where we live. We both work from home and are so bored. Thankfully we have a strong relationship and are trying to figure out the next step. I go to therapy and he’s come in with me for a few sessions to talk about this. I’m thinking about going back to grad school to get a PhD because I need to do something to give my brain a challenge.

Thought I’d brain dump this all here and see if anyone can relate or have any insight to share. Because being childfree can be very nuanced and isn’t always clean cut.

EDIT: we could try again, but we are deliberately choosing not to, not because of infertility. We’re choosing a childfree life, despite our history with giving it a try.

#childfree #childfreedilemma #childfreemarriage

For context, my family is rather broken. My partner and in-laws are wonderful, they made me learn true family warmth.

I truly think I do not have the capacity to sacrifice and care for another human (kid). My partner loves kids but he respects my choice. Honestly, I'm on the 50-50.

We have not told parents/in-laws. What stresses me out is that parents/in-laws will mention "in future when you have kids xxx".

Any DINKs can share your experience of announcing to be DINK?

My partner and I are on the fence. We’re mid/late 30’s so we want to decide sooner rather than later.
We made a big long list of why we’d love kids and also why we wouldn’t. The list is pretty even so that doesn’t help. How did you arrive at a decision and what was your reasoning? And do you have other aims in life instead?

We are couple 38 38 DINK. Confuse if we should adopt a kid or not, cant have own bcuz of her medical conditions we tried ivf iui etc.

I wonder how would be our life in old age, when we'll need medical treatments, when we cant walk.

Plz don't say, we should take care of our health, stay fit etc.

You can't predict future, with this lifestyle and impure food air, we will get diseases even if we exercise.

I took care of my mother when she was suffering from cancer. She'sno more, and now taking care of my 85 year old father.. and can see everyday many old age, how much difficult it is for old age people to do daily tasks and take care of themselves during medical things.

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I'm curious to know what's your plan guys? Bcuz I'm clueless.

I don't want kids, and I'm not a marriage person either. In normal conversations, I've noticed that people often get offended or defensive when I say I've chosen to be childfree. Where I'm from, India, it's still quite taboo, and many people seem to treat it as a phase, a problem to fix, or something you'll eventually change your mind about.

For those who are childfree and not interested in marriage, how do people around you react? Have attitudes changed over time, or do you still face judgment and pressure from family, friends, or society?