I'm in Suffolk looking for more childfree women or couples to hang out with. My husband and I are introverts so we don't do much but would like options as all are friends are centering their activities around kids.
If we don't have kids and retain a significant amount of wealth when we pass away, who should we give it to?
I'm trying to figure out whether we should give it to specific family members, charity donations, etc.
Usually when folks have kids, they continue their legacy by passing down their wealth to the next generation.
Have you thought about who "deserves" to be mentioned in your will? How will your assets/savings be divided? How to have the maximum positive impact with all your life's work?
29M here. My partner and I (not married - still deciding) are at a real crossroads about kids. She’s decided — for solid health and mental-load reasons — that she doesn’t want to be pregnant or have biological kids. I’ve wanted kids for as long as I can remember, so I’ve been sitting with what that means for us.
Adoption’s on the table, but I’ve been resistant to it. After some digging (with my therapist), it’s not that I don’t want a kid at all — it’s two specific fears:
1. Family reaction — I’m Indian, and extended family/parents can be pretty judgmental about adoption vs. “your own” kids. I’m anxious about that fallout more than I am against adoption itself.
2. Bonding fear — a nagging worry that I wouldn’t love an adopted child the same way I’d love a biological one, even though logically I know that’s not usually how it goes for people who’ve actually done it.
So I have two things I’d love outside perspective on:
For the DINK folks: if you’ve chosen not to have kids (biological or otherwise), what do you build your life around instead? What do you look forward to, plan for, structure your time and identity around? I’m trying to understand what fulfillment looks like on that path, since it’s not something I’ve ever pictured for myself.
For anyone who’s adopted, or considered it despite similar doubts: did the bonding fear match reality? And if you dealt with family/cultural judgment around adopting instead of having biological kids, how did you navigate that — did it get easier, did you just accept the friction, anything that helped?
Not looking to be talked into or out of anything — just want real perspectives from people actually living either of these paths, since right now I only have my own untested assumptions to go on.
PS - I took help from GenAI to write this post, just because english is not my first language.
Our nieces birthday is this weekend and my sil comes up with her 3+ kids. We offer to pay for two for theme park. $250 later for us 4. Then she says she doesn’t have money for the weekend. So I volunteer to pay for dinner and birthday cake there goes another $250. Best birth control ever. And to think I was feeling bad that we didn’t get home girl a gift. That’s the gift right there. lol
Hello,
I want to first come out and say that my wife (28f) and I (28m) have decided to be childfree and both have individually wanted to be since we met (at 18) and with multiple check ins throughout the years - we’re still in the same boat.
That being said, we both grew up in very kid-oriented households, and now as we’re starting to pivot and plan what we want our lives to look like, I just wanted to open up a community discussion and hear what childfree couples in their mid 30s+ spend their days and work breaks doing! Do you guys fully dive into your hobbies together (we both personally love to camp, travel, etc), like what are different lifestyles you all live? I’d love to hear about them.
Again - I fully believe + understand that kids are not the only way to find “purpose” in life. I do not want children, nor do we see that lifestyle at all in our future. I just (in my personal life) do not know a lot of childfree couples so I feel sort of alone in that sense and want others to share their experience. Thank you so much!
I’m a final-year engineering student, and after a lot of thinking (not a reactive decision, genuinely sat with this for a while) I’ve landed on wanting a DINK (dual income, no kids) life. Wanted to get real perspectives from people actually living this in India, not just theory.
My reasoning, briefly:
**•** Education costs have exploded in one generation — what my dad’s entire schooling through college cost is roughly what my single bachelor’s degree cost, and job security hasn’t kept pace with that inflation.
**•** The “have kids in your 30s, spend the next 20-25 years funding their career and life” math looks genuinely brutal financially right now, with no guarantee it pays off.
**•** I’d rather compound that money over decades and use it for quality care later in life than bet on the old “kids as old-age insurance” model, which doesn’t seem to reliably work out for either generation anymore.
What I’m actually unsure about:
**1. How hard is it to find a partner who’s genuinely aligned on this in India** — not just “not that fussed about kids” but someone willing to hold that line against her own parents, relatives, the whole social apparatus, long-term?
**2. For those of you who are child-free by choice and married/partnered** — how do you handle the ongoing family pressure? Is it a one-time hard conversation or a recurring fight for years?
**3.** Did anyone start out DINK and change their mind later — what shifted it?
Genuinely want unfiltered experiences, especially from Indian couples who’ve actually navigated this, not just the theory of it. Thanks
I’m 28m single, and finding someone who’s genuinely childfree has been surprisingly difficult. I come from a culture where having kids is considered almost essential so being childfree isn’t exactly the norm.
For those of you in DINK relationships how did you meet?
I am single and my biggest dating challenge has been finding someone who is childfree.
I know there is no recipe on finding a partner and it depends on luck and probably where you live, but I’d like to hear other people’s stories on how they met and how you figured out that both of you are into this lifestyle?
Can be any! Life, personal, professional, emotional, physical, spiritual, travel, financial, etc
Context: I’m a SINK, late 30s woman. It took me many years to find the joy in my life path while all of my best friends have gotten married, moved to the burbs, and had kids. I have a life I generally love, successful career, have traveled. I realized that even though I don’t follow the traditional, nuclear family milestones, I should have my own. So looking for some inspiration while cheering you on yours!
Mine:
- Go to a German spa and sauna (IFKYK). Be happy, comfortable, secure with my body and the experience. No intrusive thoughts.
- Salpingectomy. Release me from the fear
- Hit FIRE. Please, I’m tired of working and just want to sleep in, do yoga, and hike, beach, dive whenever I want.
- Take a sabbatical and live my FIRE life for at least 3 months. DREAMY
- Live abroad for at least a year. Indulging in the food, culture, people.
- Have a friend group that travels internationally annually. No kids. A place and time to reconnect, relax, have fun, no responsibilities.
- Send plane tickets to my nieces and nephews (best friends kids) to meet me somewhere internationally. Yes - I am and will always be the fun Aunty.
- Find my life partner and get married. I love being single and I love being in love.
- Establish healthy family boundaries and have healthy relationships with them. Woof. Working on that.
- Scuba Dive in the Red Sea. Preferably on a live aboard with an incredible chef - think Below Deck but on a budget
- Do a month long yoga retreat. Connect with myself, nature, continue to find inner peace and healing.
I’m asking what are you doing right now because you could be doing something, that’s parents can’t do.
Hi! We’re a F35/M39 couple looking to make some new in-person couple friends in Calgary, ideally other DINK/childfree couples around our age.
We’re both originally from India (mentioning our background just for context/full disclosure, but we’re open to meeting people from all ethnicities and cultures), have been in Canada for over 5 years, and work in tech in downtown Calgary. We enjoy walks, checking out cafes and restaurants, movies, and generally exploring the city.
Over time, most of our friends have started families. We’re genuinely happy for them and still love spending time with them, but we’d also like to expand our circle and meet people in a similar stage of life for better relatability.
Just to be clear, we are looking for platonic friendships only and if this resonates with you, feel free to DM!
Okay! So I'm just about wrapped up with my divorce. I'm paying out my ex. This has, obviously, changed my course to retirement in some ways but opened it up in others.
The numbers:
Cost of living:
$4800 (low) - $5500 (high) - $5200 expected for comfort
Salary:
Public teacher, ca - $86000 per year, maxing out 457(b) (23500 per year)
Rents:
$1800 ADU
$1500 JADU (soon to be operational)
Pension:
If I work 5 more years and accrue 10 years of teaching, wait to withdraw retirement until 60 I would have roughly $1500 a month in pension.
If 10 more years I would be at $2300, etc.
Portfolio:
$185k in index funds, growing roughly 12% per year.
Inheritance:
Likely to receive at least $500k-$1m within 20 years, potentially more due inheriting property - may be adding to rental income, but I digress.
Goal:
I enjoy teaching, but would like to only teach a 60% salary (3 classes vs 5 classes) which would be a $51k salary.
I am in CA, so if I retire I would likely use covered CA health insurance.
I bet you thought through (or may be not) being a DINK and then you had plans. Did you realize them or did your life planned things out for you in a different direction?
I’m looking for a child free man as a 26F and I can’t find him. They either want kids or their homebodies. Where can I meet them?
And what do you spend the money on?
Disclaimer : I hope people who want and love kids are able to find a loving spouse and able to raise a sweet family and their kids live long happy and healthy fulfilled lives
With the requirement to raise a child (let alone the time, energy, emotional and mental effort plus only getting more expensive with housing and daycare and ever growing clothes and food and tuition, etc.) has anyone decided not to have kids not because you want all that extra money to have a more luxurious life but to actually work less or take a job that pays less but you enjoy much more? With no responsibility and commitments raising a family you can pursue a job you love, but may not pay as much versus if you had a child you’d have to step up and make as much as possible so that they can be raised financially well? Spend any extra time doing your passions that may not make money or even just take care of your health if you’re chronically sick?
Question: many people make this decision? Is it one that is valid for one that doesn’t want kids and uses that opportunity to save money, work less, take less demanding even less well paying jobs without the pressure of raising a family? I have had so many parents who confided in me, while they never would wish their kids away, that they’re doing a job they hate/promotion they didn’t want just for the pay the massive bills to raise their families and healthcare.
I (33F) often hear that people should contribute/split finances based on their respective earnings, proportionally, not 50/50, but I would never pay 70% and agree him to pay only 30% even if I earned twice as much as him. While I'd expect him to pay 70% if he earned more and wouldn't mind him to contribute more even if we earned equal amounts.
Paying more would make me feel masculine or like his mom, a huge turn-off. Like I'd no longer view him as a man and he wouldn't even arouse me.
I have pretty chill, passive, type B personality, I always feel the need to feel financially protected myself, I love when a man solves my problems. But I don't want to take advantage of anyone (especially bc I'm childfree, so I'm not going to give him kids), so I'll pay 50% but never more than that, happily far less or nothing if he agrees.
Am I being unethical?