WIBTAH if I say "No" to being a caregiver for my Dad who has cancer?
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My Dad (72 M) was recently diagnosed with cancer and there’s a possibility they’ll need a caregiver for several weeks during treatment/recovery. My sister(40F) would otherwise end up carrying most of the responsibility and I feel incredibly guilty about that.
Here’s the issue: I (46 F)have my own health problems, recently had a flare-up of a chronic illness, and just started a medication that affects my immune system. The idea of flying out, being away from home for weeks, and potentially doing around-the-clock caregiving honestly feels mentally and physically overwhelming.
I also receive long-term disability due to my health issues, and I’ve realized that taking on what essentially looks like a full-time caregiving role could potentially create problems for my claim or future coverage. So this isn’t just emotionally difficult, it could also have serious consequences for my own financial stability.
I also have a very complicated relationship with my parent. We aren’t estranged, but we don’t really have a traditional parent/child relationship either. I don’t go to them for emotional support or guidance and never really have. We talk more like old family friends than parent and child. There’s love there, but also a lot of history and emotional baggage that makes extended time together difficult for me.
I’m also struggling because my spouse and I finally had a summer where we had things planned and I was starting to feel like myself again after a really difficult few years. Part of me feels selfish for even thinking about that when someone is seriously ill.
I’m not refusing to help entirely. I’ve offered financial help and I’d visit if needed. I just genuinely don’t think I can handle being the primary caregiver for weeks without wrecking my own physical and mental health.
But I keep feeling like a terrible person because my sibling may end up taking on more of the burden if I say no.
AITA?