I don't even know what to write at this point, im sleep deprived, frusterated and just so mentally exhausted, because its so heavily frustrating, and i try to talk about it, but because of my age (20) I always get the same bullshit about 'living my life' and 'being too young', like no shit sherlock, I'm not actively going out my way to have a kid right now, but I'm worried about my future. The one thing I've said since I was 5 years old, was that i wanted to be a mum. Pretty much my entire life, the one thing I've dreamed about, is having a family of my own. Maybe that's stupid to some, but it's the one thing I've always wished for.
But i don't even know if thats an option anymore. I have so many issues surrounding my reproductive health, and considering me and my partner haven't been able to use protection for the entirety of our relationship, (Due to medical reasons on both sides) yet I've still not gotten pregnant somehow. I Don't know what on earth to do, because on one hand, I'm starting to really struggle with whatever is wrong with my body, even though the doctors are saying im 'fine', im clearly fking not fine, and atp I just want this damn organ out of me, but at the same time i'm scared to get it removed, because i want kids, and what if it's solveable. If i get it removed then I might just be throwing away that chance, and I don't want to do that, and then regret it later on when I'm older.
But again, I can't talk about it, i ask for a dvice on how to manage the anxiety, how to manage the jealousy, how to manage the sheer self-loathing over my body not doing what it was designed to fking do, and all i get is people telling me to 'wait, life my life' etc. It genuinly feels like we're all for supporting people with fertility issues, until that person is a young adult. Its so incredibly frusterating, because yes, I'm waiting, yes I'm living my life, but i just want to know how to manage these emotions in a healthy fking way