Hello everyone
I made a post here when I broke up with my abuser stating I had recently gone no contact and was grieving the relationship even though it was abusive
Recently I got back in touch since I realized he still had some of my stuff that was important to me . I’m getting ready to move soon and I decided it was worth the risk. I was scared to ask for it back after our breakup.
I was careful when speaking to him and had my new partner with me.
Seeing him again for the first time in nearly a year was surreal. But I tried to keep that interaction as short as possible.
Before the pick up, he ended up pulling me into a phone call where he talked about our relationship.
He talked about how he hardly thinks about our relationship nowadays. But he then went on to say he’s hurt I told other people about the breakup. That I openly called him an abuser, that I went no contact suddenly without any kind of explanation. He claimed he was worried I’d try to ruin his life, and relationships. I’d come after him essentially. I told him I planned to do no such thing. And I just wanted my stuff back.
Throughout the convo he hit me with stuff like “we were both bad for each other”, “you did some shitty things too after we broke up.” and “because of you I’m more introverted now and don’t go out as much. It was really traumatic”. “I only wanted to be friends for your sake”
I’m not sure how to feel about this. I get I had my bad moments, and I know I treated him badly sometimes too. I definitely regret the way I responded at times.
But it sent me spiraling a bit, I’m worried I was a shittier partner than I remember. That I am abusive and cruel for speaking about it.
But I was reading a bit and I’m wondering, this an example of DARVO? Like have other people experienced this??
I tried to polite and leave things in a good note but it felt so weird.