I 31F, have been dating my boyfriend 31M for several years. We live together. We take care of my child from a previous relationship together. I recently found out he has a pornography addiction and is heavily attracted to vouyer style pornography. He admitted to pleasuring himself every single day. We have sex maybe 2 times a month. For a while I thought he just was a bit asexual and not into sex. I have a higher sex drive. Finding out he has been watching this style of content, pleasures himself every single day, and cant pleasure me without losing his erection makes me feel incredibly rejected. I have been researching and doing my best to understand but bottom line is I feel undesired, lonely, and rejected. This makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable as it is for obvious reasons, but having porn induced erectile dysfunction in a real situation is even worse and feels worse. This has led to me just pulling back and not wanting to be intimate.
I have my own issues that are causing intense distress over this. I did not know this before we lived together. I wish I did. And even though he isnt sneaking out and watching people, he is watching videos of people who more than likely don't know they are being filmed and that just... no.. anyway, I can't stop thinking about it..I want to feel sexy and desired. I want to feel wanted. This isn't how I pictured it. I have depression and anxiety. I have a disability that impacts my life everyday and sometimes I just want intimacy and to feel close to somebody and I do not have that. I know that there are other forms of intimacy and I engage with all of them but this is one thing that is important to me and I don't know how to get through this.
EDIT: Yes, I have shared this with him. He knows. I left out that prior to sharing it, he was doing this next to me in bed. I didn't say anything for a while because I didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel shamed. But I did mention it because that was a while ago. We did talk. He said he stopped or slowed down but the main point is that I'm feeling lonely and undesired because the erectile dysfunction is still happening. And yes, I mentioned he should see a professional. He doesn't want to.