I had an abortion when I was 23, I was in a toxic relationship with someone diagnosed with bipolar and psychotic disorders. We had been together for 3 years on and off and the abortion is what really made us separate for good because I realized I could never trust him to be a stable father for my future children and the relationship was destroying me mentally.
Fast forward to now, I’m 26 years old and I had a drunk hookup on a first date (reckless, I know. Thank you alcohol.) I am now 8 weeks pregnant with a man that I only have known for a few months. He has FULLY stepped up, offered to move me in, take care of everything financially, has gotten his close family involved who are also extremely supportive. He genuinely cares about me. I appreciate him and everything he has done since we found out but I don’t know if I feel the same towards him. He’s great but I don’t think he’s my person and that we truly click and get each other. I can feel myself already not wanting to be intimate and affectionate with him and find myself wanting to be alone more than be around him. I don’t know if this is because of the stress the pregnancy has put on me or if it’s because it’s an intuition feeling.
I worry that 2 abortions will affect my future fertility, I worry that I will regret whichever decision I make, I worry that I won’t be able to do it on my own if I keep the baby and leave him, as I am not finished with college yet and don’t have a stable career and I still would have to share the child with him, I don’t truly know him as a person after a couple months. If I keep the baby I am bringing it into the world already at a disadvantage without both parents in the same household, financially unstable, etc. If I stay with the baby’s father there’s a 90% I end up miserable and mostly reliant on him. I know that no one can make this decision for me but has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice?
*** I know that abortion is not a form of birth control. Birth control has always given me bad side effects so I prefer to not take it. I track my cycles but they are often irregular and I ovulate at random times. I was completely celibate for a year before this happened because I took time to focus on myself and I had one drunk reckless night that has turned into a nightmare situation. I took plan B to try to prevent this but it still happened and now this is where I’m at. I just need all the advice I can get!